The future

In a lot of ways, the events of the past few days in Malaysia have affected me on a far greater personal level than I could have ever imagined. Yes, as much as I felt the jubilation alongside my fellow Malaysians that we are finally seeing the silver lining for true democracy from the results of the March 8th elections, I also felt something else that while giving me reason to be optimistic, also complicates the decisions I have to make in the future.

I left Malaysia to pursue my graduate studies for a large part to find a better future outside of it. After going back to Malaysia last year, a proud holder of a BSc in Life Sciences from one of the world's most renowned universities, I was quickly humbled by the fact that in Malaysia that meant very little. I was part of the cadre of students who had hoped to pursue a career in the biological sciences after knowing about our government's plans to develop the bio-science industry with the proposal of the Biovalley back in 2003. Much to the chagrin of my peers and I, the initial Biovalley development collapsed in 2005. This was infamously announced to the world no less with such great fanfare, in the peer-reviewed science journal Nature (Original article here) that outlined, in detail, the reasons why it had failed so miserably.

Looking at what was available for fresh graduates in the science industry, I would have either had to put up with long hours for a meagre salary (which is far below what a fresh degree holder in other sector earns) or resort to doing pharmaceutical sales (which due to the sexist nature of our society tends to favour attractive young women for such careers). Hence, with the job prospects in the industry less than satisfactory, I managed to find work at a local financial institution as a credit processing officer. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I tried to be optimistic and told myself there could be a lot I could learn from doing such work.

Yet, after some time, I realized I didn't like the job I was doing because my heart was always settled on doing a career in science. I loved being in a lab tinkling with micropipettes and bacteria or mould-covered petri dishes heck of a lot more than I did being stuck in an office looking at people's financial records and constantly having to apologize to customers on the phone on behalf of my boss' incompetence. So at some point I thought, enough is enough. I applied for graduate school and promptly quit my job the day I received news that I got admitted.

First off, I should say I come from a typical middle-class Malaysian family. My father has a respectable job which pays for our comfortable house, family car and all of the bills among other things. It also paid for both me and my brother's undergraduate education in Canada and Australia respectively. Yet, my parents sacrificied a great deal for us to go overseas. My dad still has to work past his retirement age in a job that requires him to travel between our home in the Klang Valley to other states in Malaysia, sometimes on a daily basis. My mother on the other hand, has given up the prospect of ever owning many of the smaller things in life that she desires and spends a great deal of time and effort looking out for our family's welfare at home.

As much as I was happy I could leave again to get my career path back on track, I did feel bad because I knew my father and elder brother (who has only just started his own career) would have to bear the burden of helping to pay for it. My choice in destination and area of study made it somewhat difficult to find scholarships to support my personal venture. I suppose I could have tried to apply for a scholarship from a local university but then it would have required me to be bonded and return to teach, which under the circumstances wasn't a very desirable prospect. So I went anyway with my family's blessing, even though they wouldn't be seeing a return on 'investment' any time soon.

So what happened on March 8th has not only turned the Barisan's or oppostion's world upside down, but it has also turned my world upside down. Should I continue my pursuit for a better future overseas, or should I entertain the prospect of one day returning home?

I could probably still live a much more comfortable life as an immigrant in a developed Western country. But then it would be difficult to be with and care for my family who has worked so hard for my sake. The thought of having my parents relocate and adapt to a foreign country at such an elderly age didn't seem fair either. As much as I can subscribe to the Western idea of individual rights (which in many instances is just an unwarranted sense of entitlement), I still fervently subscribe to our traditional Asian values of filial piety and the importance of the family unit.

On the other hand, how does one start making future plans to return when there is only the beginning of a new hope, as nothing is quite certain just yet what the future may be. Even if I did intend to come home, I wouldn't be back immediately after graduation since that wouldn't be a very logical thing to do. But being away too long, however, essentially makes it more difficult for me to come back. Factor in the variable that my parents aren't getting any younger and, my god! What a motherload to think about!

So as much as I hope for a brighter future for Malaysia, I realize that the path we have gone down also brings a sense of uncertainty to many. Hence, we have to try to work together, as politicians or rakyat, students or the worforce, youths or adults to do our part to ensure that the ship that has been severely off course is finally righted.

Learning to vote for change was only the first step, now we all have to take a few steps more