So my time back in the safety of academia is almost over. In a couple of months I'll be spit out into the real world, hopefully able to build upon something I would like to think I've laid down in these two short years.
In many ways, going back to school, and being able to do so abroad in a region of the world a lot of people could only dream of visiting, has been a great blessing. But it's also really been a second chance. In life in general, but more specifically in pursuing a career that I would be happy to end up with.
I think I started off this journey fairly desperate and hence pretty fired up about trying to do the best I can. Pretty much trying to throw myself in the deep end at every chance because I knew there's just so much I missed out on and needed to learn. I had to make up for all the lost time. And I think I'm a bit better for it.
Yet, here I am again growing anxious about what's to come next. And it feels similar though not exactly the same as the first time. Back then, I reckon I really didn't know what I wanted. Now? I think I know the general direction, though I'm not quite settled on where exactly just yet.
In some ways I think there is still an amount of self doubt about whether you really can do what you're setting out to achieve. In terms of the real world, you're just a mere seedling and you don't know whether you will grow into a proper tree that will bear fruit or die off before the next spring comes.
But at least I'd like to think that the experiences of the past two years will serve me well in the coming days ahead. I think the the few things I've learnt in this brief period of time is to deal with failure a bit better and to know that there is still heck of a lot I need to learn. I still make bad decisions sometimes. More than I'm comfortable with, but I've survived.
At the same time, I like that I can now push myself harder since I'm sure I really do like what I'm doing. I think that's helped set me straight towards the right direction.
I think I might havee grown a bit more cynical about the things around me, though at the same time due to that cynicism I'm willing to put in a great deal more effort. I don't really know how much of a good thing that is, but I guess I'll find out later.
All in all, as contradictory as it may sound, I'm really happy about how thing have turned out. How while I'm once again heading out there with much uncertainty as to what may happen, there is a certain calm amidst the fear and anxiety. I kinda like that.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Dissing and stereotyping the southern neighbour...
Should I, oh should I, go to Singapore?
There is Katong laksa and Geylang whores.
There's efficient transportation with the MRT.
Though why is one station called Clementi?
Not like MM LKY would show any leniency,
To those who speak out in the name of democracy! (*I sue you!*)
But then those people down south are all damn si beh kiasu!
And say stuff like "wah seh!", "wah piang!" and "wah lao eh!" too!
No littering? And what's this!? No chewing gum!?
Us Malaysians will surely leave with sore bum.
6 percent from their taps, used to be crap.
Do the ERPs also double up as speed traps?
Not that I would worry since I would have no car,
To pick up SPGs at all those expat bars.
Though maybe we aren't that different, we might just be the same,
Because when things go wrong, we all say "government's to blame!"
We have our Kenny Sia, they have their Xiaxue and Dawn,
Which Singaporean ah bengs all just adore and fawn.
What is our roti canai is their roti prata,
And neither of us would be caught buying shoes at Bata.
The hawker food's not bad, also has a bit of "class".
Though Penang food will always kick their sorry ass!
Ah Singapore, oh Singapore, maybe it won't be so bad,
To work crazy long hours and go completely mad!
There is Katong laksa and Geylang whores.
There's efficient transportation with the MRT.
Though why is one station called Clementi?
Not like MM LKY would show any leniency,
To those who speak out in the name of democracy! (*I sue you!*)
But then those people down south are all damn si beh kiasu!
And say stuff like "wah seh!", "wah piang!" and "wah lao eh!" too!
No littering? And what's this!? No chewing gum!?
Us Malaysians will surely leave with sore bum.
6 percent from their taps, used to be crap.
Do the ERPs also double up as speed traps?
Not that I would worry since I would have no car,
To pick up SPGs at all those expat bars.
Though maybe we aren't that different, we might just be the same,
Because when things go wrong, we all say "government's to blame!"
We have our Kenny Sia, they have their Xiaxue and Dawn,
Which Singaporean ah bengs all just adore and fawn.
What is our roti canai is their roti prata,
And neither of us would be caught buying shoes at Bata.
The hawker food's not bad, also has a bit of "class".
Though Penang food will always kick their sorry ass!
Ah Singapore, oh Singapore, maybe it won't be so bad,
To work crazy long hours and go completely mad!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Liberté, égalité, fraternité!
PSD scholarship review
"The Government will review the selection criteria for Public Services Department scholarships, said MCA president Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat.
Currently, Ong said, the selection is based on four criteria - merit (20%), race (60%), Sabah and Sarawak citizens (10%) and students from underprivileged groups (10%)."
Chances of getting a PSD scholarship:
Have merit, but not underpriviledged nor live in Sabah or Sarawak = 20%
Have merit, underpriviledged but do not live in Sabah or Sarawak = 30%
Have merit, underpriviledged and live in Sabah or Sarawak = 40%
If you have no merit, are not underpriviledged, do not live in Sabah or Sarawak but are of the correct race = 60%
We live in the most just and equitable country in the world! Hurrah!
"The Government will review the selection criteria for Public Services Department scholarships, said MCA president Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat.
Currently, Ong said, the selection is based on four criteria - merit (20%), race (60%), Sabah and Sarawak citizens (10%) and students from underprivileged groups (10%)."
Chances of getting a PSD scholarship:
Have merit, but not underpriviledged nor live in Sabah or Sarawak = 20%
Have merit, underpriviledged but do not live in Sabah or Sarawak = 30%
Have merit, underpriviledged and live in Sabah or Sarawak = 40%
If you have no merit, are not underpriviledged, do not live in Sabah or Sarawak but are of the correct race = 60%
We live in the most just and equitable country in the world! Hurrah!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Dr. Strangelove, lord of the flies and a very bleak outlook of humanity...
Always have and always will,
down my spine,
I feel a chill.
If the mushroom clouds should bloom,
on this world,
all will be doomed.
Towards the subterranean shelters,
all will scurry,
helter skelter.
Safe within earth's bowels retained,
yet human decency,
will cease to remain.
In suffering, hardship, when life is torn,
towards each other,
we treat with scorn.
Death, destruction and pandemonium,
the rotting corpses,
smell of ammonium.
Successive future species will wonder,
"why could humans,
not live with each other?"
Unaware that their own seeds of hate,
have just been sown,
to meet our fate.
down my spine,
I feel a chill.
If the mushroom clouds should bloom,
on this world,
all will be doomed.
Towards the subterranean shelters,
all will scurry,
helter skelter.
Safe within earth's bowels retained,
yet human decency,
will cease to remain.
In suffering, hardship, when life is torn,
towards each other,
we treat with scorn.
Death, destruction and pandemonium,
the rotting corpses,
smell of ammonium.
Successive future species will wonder,
"why could humans,
not live with each other?"
Unaware that their own seeds of hate,
have just been sown,
to meet our fate.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Live long and prosper...
It's not the first time I've thought about this, but if I was a Star Trek alien, I would probably be a Vulcan. That whole superficially emotionally distant persona is actually the vibe I tend to give out to people these days. In truth, it's not entirely by choice, but it's one of the symptoms that you get from moving around too much. You feel the need to hide your emotions because otherwise if you let it out you wouldn't be able to get anything done. There's a constant need for mental discipline, to not freak out when you realize you don't know where you're heading, what you'll be doing in a couple of months time, and who you're going to have to say goodbye to.
Unfortunately, the reality is such that you actually do get that well of emotion inside about certain things, certain places and certain people. Sometimes it doesn't even matter how briefly you've come across them. And it does corrode your mental resolve. That's why Vulcans go crazy every seven years with pon farr I suppose.
But all in all, I've got to say I've done a pretty good job keeping it from the surface so that most people don't see it. At times I'm a bit afraid of how good a job I do about it.
Regretably, I feel I've not done enough to keep in touch with old friends nor enough to get to know the new ones better. Frankly I don't completely understand why not, but it's become a habit (a poor one) nonetheless.
Yet in the end you miss them all the same.
Unfortunately, the reality is such that you actually do get that well of emotion inside about certain things, certain places and certain people. Sometimes it doesn't even matter how briefly you've come across them. And it does corrode your mental resolve. That's why Vulcans go crazy every seven years with pon farr I suppose.
But all in all, I've got to say I've done a pretty good job keeping it from the surface so that most people don't see it. At times I'm a bit afraid of how good a job I do about it.
Regretably, I feel I've not done enough to keep in touch with old friends nor enough to get to know the new ones better. Frankly I don't completely understand why not, but it's become a habit (a poor one) nonetheless.
Yet in the end you miss them all the same.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Comfort food...or cooking?
For me comfort food isn't actually something I eat. Rather it's what I cook.
No matter how crappy my mood, how horrible things get, or how stressed out I become, somehow cooking a simple meal for people makes all the bad things go away. There's this feeling of catharsis that envelopes you as you dig into the food and see the faces of others around you enjoying it - you go from being grumpy and self-loathing to being as light as a feather!
There's not any other feeling quite like it. That natural high...you just can't get it from anything else. And I'm glad I'm fortunate enough to be able to feel it, because so far I've met only one other person who can "feel the love" so to speak.
Hmmm...maybe someday my epitaph should read:
"Cooking saved my life from everything short of death itself."
It sure feels that way.
p.s. I think somehow with time, my comfort "dish" has turned out to be roast chicken. It's easy, cheap to make and you can have it in so many variations. Yet it takes tender loving care to make sure it turns out just right - with that brown, crispy skin and moist luscious breast meat. And that jus on the side just makes it extra special without much added work!
No matter how crappy my mood, how horrible things get, or how stressed out I become, somehow cooking a simple meal for people makes all the bad things go away. There's this feeling of catharsis that envelopes you as you dig into the food and see the faces of others around you enjoying it - you go from being grumpy and self-loathing to being as light as a feather!
There's not any other feeling quite like it. That natural high...you just can't get it from anything else. And I'm glad I'm fortunate enough to be able to feel it, because so far I've met only one other person who can "feel the love" so to speak.
Hmmm...maybe someday my epitaph should read:
"Cooking saved my life from everything short of death itself."
It sure feels that way.
p.s. I think somehow with time, my comfort "dish" has turned out to be roast chicken. It's easy, cheap to make and you can have it in so many variations. Yet it takes tender loving care to make sure it turns out just right - with that brown, crispy skin and moist luscious breast meat. And that jus on the side just makes it extra special without much added work!
Religion...
I have little faith in religion,
But I do have faith in god.
I know that doesnt exactly sound,
like two peas inside a pod.
But for every religious fanatic,
There is someone suffering pain.
From some idiot who thinks dying,
for religion is a gain.
Why must I believe in your god,
To get a ticket up to heaven?
What about all our fellow other,
Good but non-believing brethen?
Are they simply to be forsaken,
For one man's word against another?
Are we simply to be damned,
For being labelled as the other?
I truly cannot believe,
That all of decent human kind,
Could be as stupid to insist,
That their god would seem to mind.
If they didn't profess the name,
Or they didn't bow down in prayer.
I don't think god's that insecure,
To be like a bling-bling flashing player.
For if there truly was a god,
I think he'd rather that we all,
Just be compassionate towards ourselves,
Rather than passing pamphlets at the mall.
So if you come across someone,
Whose chosen god is not the same,
Give that fellow man a hug,
Rather than blowing out his brains.
But I do have faith in god.
I know that doesnt exactly sound,
like two peas inside a pod.
But for every religious fanatic,
There is someone suffering pain.
From some idiot who thinks dying,
for religion is a gain.
Why must I believe in your god,
To get a ticket up to heaven?
What about all our fellow other,
Good but non-believing brethen?
Are they simply to be forsaken,
For one man's word against another?
Are we simply to be damned,
For being labelled as the other?
I truly cannot believe,
That all of decent human kind,
Could be as stupid to insist,
That their god would seem to mind.
If they didn't profess the name,
Or they didn't bow down in prayer.
I don't think god's that insecure,
To be like a bling-bling flashing player.
For if there truly was a god,
I think he'd rather that we all,
Just be compassionate towards ourselves,
Rather than passing pamphlets at the mall.
So if you come across someone,
Whose chosen god is not the same,
Give that fellow man a hug,
Rather than blowing out his brains.
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