Our egos on the environment...

I don't understand...
Should we try to make our mark on this world?
Or should we leave as little impact as we can...
Should we thread the Earth as lightly as possible?
Or be determined to leave our footprints in the sand...

It's a dud...

Looks like the green-looking grass over here turned out to be actually AstroTurf. Now I have to move on and seek greener pastures. Such is life.

A picture paints a thousand words...

Look here, my friend!
Here is a picture of life.
A field full of roses,
A good life, without strife.

Look here again, my friend!
Another picture to show you.
A harem full of whores,
All ready to blow you.

Oh, don't look at this one!
There's really no point,
For this picture I hold,
Will surely disappoint!

Are you sure, my friend?
Well, if you insist!
I'm not going to stop you,
Will not ask that you desist.

The picture's not pretty?
Well, alas, my friend - this is real life!
I know it can hurt when,
Reality cuts through with a knife.

But if you care to look closer,
Perhaps you might see,
It's not all gray skies in the background,
Looming over the rough, dizzying seas.

The silver lining I speak of,
Lies just slightly above,
In order to find it,
You will need lots of love.

Though the earlier pictures,
May stoke your desires.
Should you stare at them too long,
Your mind's eye will tire.

So instead take the last one,
And keep it in your pocket.
Store it in a special place,
Inside your heart's locket.

Look upon it from time to time,
And I'm sure you'll discover,
Amidst all the hardship within,
Lies a kind face of a lover.

When you finally find her,
Within that chaotic picture called life,
You should frame up the picture,
And take the girl as your wife.

Smile...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

If I am my brother's keeper, then I have failed miserably...

O brother, where art thou?
you've been taken by that filthy sow.
Your heart's been blackened,
You mind's made weak.
Your soul has perished,
And your spirit, meek.

Random Melon Facts...

People's heads aren't like melons. You can't really smell it to figure out what's going on inside. Though it can still smell pretty darned nice anyway.

Beauty...

We live in a very peculiar world, where society is constantly trying to shape how we think about ourselves by displacing one image of the 'self' with another. An example of this is the concept of 'beauty'.

For now, we hold 'beauty' to be what would be defined as what is physically attractive, as in what we would see on the covers of contemporary fashion magazines. Society, or rather the mass media of which society uses a medium to convey its opinion, tries to shape us into this 'perfect' image. It tells us that pursuit of 'beauty' (as in the beauty it defines) will bring self-confidence to the pursuer. Those who are not born or do not try to conform with or follow this prescription are looked upon as 'imperfect'. They do not appear as how one should appear, and therefore they are not 'beautiful'. Yet, they do not have to be condemned to be this way! There are myriad of methods to 'correct' this 'imperfection'. Make up, fashionable clothing, plastic surgery...all of these are 'cures' for this 'disease of imperfection'!

So we live our lives constantly being told how undesirable we are, how ugly we look, with the comparison of what is 'desirable' and 'beautiful' inevitably drawn from the celebrities and models whose images adorn the different forms of mass media. Those who choose not to listen despite hearing these messages, messages that bombard us relentless everyday and everywhere we go in our modern world, are labeled as 'freaks'. How could they not want to be beautiful? Especially when a wide range of products are available to them on the market to 'improve' their pathetic selves?

And so this is the norm. Or rather, it is the hegemony we have accepted.

But this conception of beauty has not always existed in its current state in history, or even in every culture in contemporary societies. Nor will it likely continue to persist in this form into the foreseeable future. Already, there are signs that this is changing. And it comes from who else but the mass media itself!

An example of this is the trend of the 'no make up' look. Celebrities and models are increasingly embracing the au naturel look because 'natural beauty' is now considered to be more 'desirable'. The media plays its part by conveying to readers and television viewers that this, now, is 'beauty'. Or rather, the media is 'selling' this look as the latest fashionable trend.

Just not so long ago, tabloids and fashion magazines were denouncing 'make up-less' celebrities, citing unflattering pictures of them as incriminating evidence of their transgression to beauty. Of course, they do not mention the fact that anyone, if being photographed in the wrong instant in the wrong way, could look horrendous; just as anyone, if being photographed at the right instant in the right way, could look 'beautiful'. But these are merely images, they do not necessarily represent the actual 'self' of the particular person. Merely the 'image of the self'. We do not actually know a lot about these people just based on how they look. And so we go on to read about how they live their lives, for which celebrity rags will often 'rag' the celebrities to provide entertaining gossip. So we still do not know how they are as people. But I digress.

Another example is the popularity of Lady Gaga and like public figures. How could some one dressed like a freak-show be on the cover of magazines!? She is definitely not 'beautiful' in the sense that we have been conditioned to view as 'beauty' up until now. Her fashion-sense is in many ways the complete opposite of convention. Yet, this is increasingly being accepted as 'beautiful' in one way or another. For this 'alternative' image of 'beauty' is being plastered on every single advertising surface that will have it. And so it is increasingly becoming accepted just as much as what has been the 'conventional' definition of 'beauty'.

So looking at how it is possible to distort and twist the idea of 'beauty' with such images, why is it that we still subject ourselves to following what we are told to be 'beautiful'? Certainly, there is some value to dressing well and looking presentable, for there are many social situations that require a particular 'look' (this is just one of the realities of society), but for this function there are no clear judgments of 'beauty' per se. 'Beauty' might play a role, but more often than not there are other elements that are of greater importance that reduces its usefulness. And whatever usefulness of 'beauty', in its current definition by society, becomes obsolete with the onset of time and the inevitable process of aging. One can, and many do, try to find means to 'preserve' this 'beauty', but it is often futile. For a face injected full of toxins is not a real face anymore, but just a hideous image of what once was considered 'beautiful'. So 'beauty' is not ever-lasting either.

At the end of the day, do we really need to concern ourselves with what is 'beauty' if it is often just a different image projected by society at different times? Perhaps a little, for it is useful in many cases when trying to live (or be left alone) in peace as a member of society. But should we feel ourselves less 'beautiful' if we decide not to 'live up' to this image at every single instant of our lives? Certainly not.

Conspiracy theories...

Random thought trying to play military strategist: Could it be that the US is goading North Korea into action because Kim Jong-Il is physically weak and there is a strategic opportunity to remove his regime from power based on some kind of intelligence provided by the CIA? The Americans seem to be pushing quite hard on this, while at the same time trying to force China's hand in dealing with it, which would commit the Chinese into taking stronger action and being geographically closer to North Korea, it would be of more risk to the Chinese than to the Americans. Therefore, if China has to act, it would stifle its steady rise to power while not having as as much consequence to the US (comparatively) and allow for them to recover and retain their hegemony over the world. Of course, there would be a great risk consider DPRK has nukes, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors and what these higher types are thinking when they strategize?

Money no enough...

I am completely broke for the month for the first time in my life. Rent, bills, phone charges, gifts, air tickets, expenses. I am living way beyond my means. Oh, the joy of worrying about money can only drive one to utter insanity!

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...

I guess at the end of the day, all that really matters are the fundamentals.

The looks will go one day. That is a fact.

There would inevitably be things that you discover about them that may not be as perfect as you imagined in the beginning (as we are wont to expect it to be when starting a relationship).

The circumstances may not be perfect either. Sometimes it may be easy, other times it's difficult as hell. And it may not always be nice on either of you.

If one were to be too fixated on the notion that everything has to go exactly as planned, and to continue to be obsessed with those initial expectations, it would take its toll on each other. Thus it would, regrettably though not unexpectedly, fail.

The point to the whole thing is that you have to look past the warts and wrinkles. Accept the idiosyncrasies, and their fears and insecurities. Be okay with the stupid things they may do sometimes. Still find the joy and comfort in being with them even if it means on some days they will have bad days that will affect you (as you will also have bad days that affect them). Accept the variables they may bring to your life that may complicate it (as you certainly bring some to theirs). Deal with those difficult situations together and never walk away. Care and listen when they're trying to tell you something even when your instinct is to shut it out. Make an effort once in a while and not take them for granted.

At the same time, in their presence be able to feel relaxed and not have to care about the mundane day-to-day responsibilities that all too often wear us down in life, especially on the days you really need to feel that way. To be comfortable with your fears and insecurities when you are with them. Maybe, even because you are with them.

Seems like a fairly long list of things to ponder. Impossibly daunting, almost.

But again, I guess it boils down to the basic, fundamental thing.

And that is just to love them.

Ennuity at work...

Very, very bored,
and very, very tired.
Though if I were to snore,
I think I would get fired.

Me, myself & food safety...

The funny thing about food safety as a science is that your discoveries cause people to stop eating stuff they really like and have been eating for ages without much of an issue. Instead of say, discovering the cure for cancer or how to stop climate change, your discovery generally causes anxiety and the realization of suffering in people who never even knew they had a problem in the first place. After you tell them what's in their food, that plate of hormone-laced, E. coli:0157-contaminated (among the many other bugs), dioxin-permeated steak tartare just doesn't look the same anymore.

Regardless of the grim nature of my field of work, I really hope I'm onto something here! All I know is that food safety is just so bloody cool!

I drive my little taxi in...

I guess one of the strangely fascinating things about living in Singapore is that you meet very interesting taxi drivers. There are lots of them on the road, and they drive for sometimes very different reasons.

Some are less chatty than others. The chatty ones though, can be really chatty. To the point that not talking back to them would be absolutely rude because they have such interesting stories to tell, and tidbits to share.

Sometimes they just talk about their families. There was one who talked about his daughter's first week at work and how he was trying to meet up with her for lunch on that day. Very sweet as I recall.

Another talked about the ghostly spirits that inhabit various parts of Singapore. Stories of which I hear about rather frequently here in Singapore. Never knew the place was so 'alive' with the paranormal.

Then there was one who talked about how his customers were 'getting it on' in the back seat and what a pain it was to get the seats cleaned. I'm glad I always choose to sit in the front when I take taxis alone.

A few times I met taxi drivers either on their first day or first week on the job. You can generally tell that they're still a bit nervous and not quite used to driving strangers around in a car with a lit-up sign on top.

I was the very first customer of one of them. I could sense the pride and satisfaction he felt in getting me to where I wanted to go on the first try.

Often such drivers will also talk about what they were doing before they became taxi drivers.

A lot of just-retired guys. Fewer women in general. I've met only one. I wonder why?

One was taking it up because he wanted to provide for his family after being unemployed for a while. He had three kids to feed. He became a taxi driver just after getting his driver's license. He didn't know how the hell to get to my destination and I had to get there urgently. But that was okay. I still salute him. Good guy. Brave in many ways to be doing what he's doing.

Not all of those stories are happy though. Sometimes it's a guy who's lost everything in a previous life. Previous life, meaning the life before they became taxi drivers. Some of them seem better able to cope with such realities than others. For these guys, telling you their stories is just a way for them to reminisce the good ol' days, often with a hint of poignancy, and nothing more. Others, not so fortunate.

I met one such guy today. I wonder what happened to him, though I daren't ask him all the details at the time. He looked disheveled, and from talking to him it seemed like something really bad happened to him and the wounds had not yet healed. I noticed he still wore his wedding ring, but from talking to him I doubt his wife is with him anymore. Sad.

Someone asked me what is love. I guess to me, love is never ever allowing the person you love to feel the way the taxi man felt.

To love them for who they are, regardless of where they may have come from in life. To show kindness and compassion when needed, which is always. Above all, when they feel the world around them is starting to collapse, always be there for them. Always. Even if it may hurt to do so sometimes. It doesn't matter what you have to give up because in the end all that matters is that they're alright. As cliched as it may sound, as long as you have each other, everything else really isn't so important.

I digress.

Anyway, do talk to you taxi drivers once in a while. Most of the time, if you listen carefully enough, they really do know what they're talking about.

Thank them for bringing you home safe.

Tip them even, especially if they're nice and don't take you for a ride to bump the meter fee up. There will always be asshole drivers. But they're usually not very interesting.

Beats taking the MRT any day.

I count too many sheep...

Sometimes it does feel like I'm trying too hard, and I also have a tendency to want to have my cake and eat it too. I'm hoping not to have a repeat of China-gate. I blew it the last time, this time there's a clear opportunity but I have to be really on the ball.

Then again, do I really want to try to pursue a career with the 'bad guys' if the possibility does really arise? The money's a lot more attractive, but would I feel comfortable working for them? I am in a way already doing so in an indirect way, but for now at least I can manage to strike a balance with my work. At least to the extent that my superiors will allow me to do so.

I guess I'm thinking too far ahead when I can't even see where the next step is. I gotta learn to not put the cart before the horse. I gotta learn how to take things one step at a time.

Then again, I've always been a dreamer.

Suffocating because I'm being pulled in too many directions...

TOO MANY STAKEHOLDERS IN MY LIFE!

I CANNOT, AND WILL NOT TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE!

IT'S MY BLOODY LIFE, GOD DAMNIT!

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I WANT!

SO FUCKING HELL!!!

Opinions are like assholes...and so are the people who write them...

While it's definitely nice that alternative media sites like the Malaysian Insider provide a platform for citizen journalists to voice their views and opinions on the current state of affairs, one just has to question whether having so many people talking at the same time essentially drowns each other out and dilutes any meaningful discussion.

I don't think the average reader has the necessary attention span to sift through all these 'opinions' to 'help' them think about any particular issue more deeply. Most of these 'opinions' are poorly researched, and lack any real purpose other than to serve as a means of public intellectual masturbation for the authors. I especially dislike it that the majority of these authors like to apply 'a sense of humour' to just about anything they write, just to show off their superior intellectual capacity to laugh at even the most serious of topics. Frankly, it makes you want to bludgeon these motherfuckers and ask them to stop abusing alternative media.

Ranting about the same issue ten thousand times by an ever-growing group of attention-seeking media whores won't really serve to 'educate' the public. Only serves to show that we are in seriously deep shit on every level of society because it seems like we only care about own petty little individual egos, and not much else.

No love lost...

There are places in this world where it can be messed up but you still want to be there no matter what, and there are places in this world where it can be messed up and all you want to do is to get the hell out of there. After a few months being here, sadly, I've realized that Singapore belongs to the latter.

Something just doesn't seem right about this place. And I fear if I stay on for too long I will no longer be able to see what is truly good about the world and about the human spirit in spite of it constantly being shrouded in the contrary. That is something I would sorely hate to lose.

Though when the time comes that I realize I can take no more of this place, I hope I will not have to leave alone.

Rainy days...

The rain in Spain may fall mainly on the plains,
But the rain in Singapore, just about everywhere it pours!

Resignation...

Perhaps in this world, there are some people who are meant to be happy and some who are not. For the former, happiness somehow comes naturally while for the latter it is often pursued to no avail. Whether this is a fair arrangement is immaterial.

If one has resigned to be categorized among the latter, one must at least do what one can to ensure that the former never has to know what it's like to be on the other side. Because at least then there would be some joy in this world, and all will still be well if that is so.

To take on another's fears...

Then share thy pain, allow that sad relief;
Ah, more than share it! give me all thy grief.
Heav'n first taught letters for some wretch's aid,
Some banish'd lover, or some captive maid;

-Alexander Pope

DNA love...

I'd like to be your G & A.
If you'd be my C & T.
Unless you were an RNA,
Then I'd want to be with U.

The country I hail from is a sinking ship...

In every sense of the word.

Just because I'm alone, doesn't mean I can't love the holiday...

Love it comes in different guises,
In a life full of surprises.
Make the best of Valentine's,
Don't just hangout or wine and dine.

Make an effort, show some heart!
Even if your love's apart.
For what's sweet can still be tart,
If you don't know where to start.

Though it should not be complicated,
For that's not how we were all created.
Keep it simple, but leave breath bated,
And your lover fully sated.

Show some love, share some joy,
You don't need a bedroom full of toys.
Oh, don't you pretend to be shy or coy!
You know what's on the minds of girls and boys!

As of last year, same time of today,
I wish you a happy valentine's day!

Just cloying...

A box of chocolates a week,
Might make her knees feel weak,
Though what it really does,
Is let her grow fat,
And she'll end up alone,
with a dozen or so cats.

Cloying romantic sappy crap...

A flower a day,
Makes the blues go away.
Be it lilies, roses,
or bright yellow daisies,
As long you smile,
they're worth every penny.
When your lips they curve,
Oh how pretty you are!
Unassuming yet enchanting,
My beautiful love.

Fastfood whore...

The other day I went to eat at McDonald's,
And found myself sleeping together with Ronald.

Then I went to KFC to go have me some Colonel,
One thing led to another, and we started to get carnal.

After which I thought I'd dig in at Burger King,
But the King and I ended up having a steamy fling.

So finally I decided I'd head over to Wendy's,
And found that the ol' girl was pretty damned bendy!

A (half-baked) story of robbery, blackmail and murder!

In a gingerbread house,
Lived a man and his spouse.
They had a dog and three cats,
And also a huge resident rat.

One day the rat ate the doors,
Windows, carpets, and more.
So then the man and woman got quite angry,
"It treats our house like it's made out of candy!"

They asked the cats to give pursuit,
But the three of them kept mute.
For the rat had long made a pact,
With the dog, were the cats to act.

If he didn't keep them at bay,
The rat would have something to say.
About what the dog did last summer,
To the neighborhood mail runner.

He bit off the head of the gingerbread man,
(Who happened to be the local postman),
And stuffed his body into tin foil,
Put him in the oven and set it to broil!

WTF am I doing with my life!?

Sometimes you wonder if it's worth pursuing your ideals to make the world a better place, when it seems more and more as you get older that it is an exercise in futility.

You look at your peers around you who give a lot less of a damn and they seem to be pretty bloody happy not caring much if at all. Sometimes that looks very attractive when you're standing on the other side.

But then you realize you've already decided on what path you want to take, and you wouldn't be happy doing it any other way, which leaves you having to soldier on, chronically depressed and unhappy to a certain extent, in order to just do your little bit for what you believe in.

At the end of the day one has to have faith that what one does will make a difference, however insignificant, and be content that the absence of complete and absolute devastation in this world is a sign that maybe, just maybe, what you and people who think the same like you are doing, is actually helping.

It's still too early to give up now anyway.

I need some arms outstretched...

Its 16 miles, to the promised land
and I promise you, I'm doing the best I can
now don't fool yourself
in thinking you're more than a man
cause you'll probably end up dead

i visit these
mountains with frequency
and i stand here with my arms up
now some days, they last longer than others
but this day by the lake went too fast

and if you want me
you better speak up- i won't wait
so you better, move fast

don't fool yourself
in thinking you're more than you are
with your arms outstretched to me

now its 16 miles to the promised land
and i promise you i'm doing the best i can
now some days, they last longer than others
but this day by the lake went too fast

and if you want me, you better speak up i won't wait
so you better move fast

and some days they last longer than others
but this day by the lake went too fast
and if you want me, you better speak up i wont wait
so you better move fast

Rilo Kiley!

In Singapore

I'm in Singapore, fuck! I'm in Singapore...

Live life! Yes! Great! Whatever...

Life is too short,
to give up and abort,
your plans to live life,
despite all the strife.

For life is worth living,
as long as you keep giving,
and do not succumb,
to what makes your heart numb.

If we all learned to love,
to stop pushing and shove,
rather give way to others,
as if they were our brothers.

Surely we can find it in our hearts,
even when we are apart,
to keep living as we would,
without being told how we should.

Morals...

Virtue is only virtue,
If you don't let it hurt you.
Sin is only sin,
If you don't sin to win.