It's complicated...

When life is simple, we constantly seek to complicate it. When life is complicated, we constantly seek to simplify it.

The human race is truly the most contradictory species in this world.

Rejection

Love rejected is like George Washington and his tree. He may be sorry that he cut it down, but it will still never grow again...

A bit lost, but still carrying on...

If you take the road less travelled,
You will find there are fewer signs.
To guide you as life unravels,
While you attempt to avoid the grind.

We'll meet again...

Maybe it's because we live in such a globalized world, where we are constantly moving and leaving friends behind that we can relate to such a simple yet charming little wartime tune...

We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again
Some sunny day

Keep smiling through
Just like you always do
'Till the blue skies
Drive the dark clouds far away

So, will you please say hello
To the folks that I know
Tell them I won't be long
They'll be happy to know
That as you saw me go
I was singing this song

We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again
Some sunny day

Affluenza...*ha choo!*

Singapore is scary,
Already I am wary,
Of what I will become,
If I stay on and then some.

Pursuing material wealth,
At expense of mental health.
Should a person really care,
About what brand that they should wear?

I would rather spend my days,
Without so many bills to pay.
Not owning Armani would be fine,
As long as I have free time.

To stop and smell the roses,
To read simple words and proses.
And not to sacrifice one's passion,
All because of the pursuit of fashion.

Last day...

Today I'm still enjoying myself in la-la land,
Tomorrow it'll be just footprints in the sand.
For the day after? I still have no real plan.
But heck, right now, I don't give a damn!

And so the story goes...di da di...

Tomorrow I return to a place I'd like to call home,
Though in truth I'm just landing where the stone has been thrown.
I'd like to say I'm looking forward to this new beginning,
But in truth in my heart is lamenting that a chapter will end.

I'd like to say I'll be glad to catch up with old friends,
But I'm leaving many behind of which the next time we'll meet, I do not know when.
Though I suppose one must say goodbye in order to say hello again.
So at least for now, I will not look back while I forge on ahead...

Goodbye Holland!

So long, farewell
Doei to Dutchies left and right
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farwell
I leave on an AirAsia flight
I hope the plane won't crash when I sleep at night

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Smelling the roses...

We often take more things in life for granted than we should. Yet, during the moments that we don't, it's nice to see that in spite of all that seems horrible around you, there are still things which make you feel glad to be alive.

I scream, you scream, we all scream...

Life is like being at an ice cream parlour.

There are so many enticing flavours to choose from but only so many that you're allowed to pick at any one time. The flavours also get more and more complicated when you get older. When I was a kid, there were only vanilla, strawberry and chocolate. Now they have all sorts - forest berry, cookie dough, durian, tiramisu, lemon meringue...

So you're forced to make a selection among these sometimes foreign, multi-worded flavour names. If you're lucky, the guy/girl behind the counter gives you a break and lets you sample one to see if you like it. Other times, you just have to pick one and hope you do.

Invididually, the flavours could be genius. But once you combine them, there's a chance they won't go well together and it spoils the whole thing. Quite possibly you'll hesitate to pick those same flavours the next time you visit, when if you had stuck to just one the first time you would've really enjoyed it.

Then again, if only life was an actual ice cream parlour, we'd all be a lot happier. Who doesn't like ice cream, right?

I feel like smackin' overly cheerful people...

Happy people make me sick,
Suffering instead gives me great kicks.
How I wish more people would cry,
So that I could get really high.

To err is human, to forgive...well, I don't think that's a word found in a lot of people's dictionaries...

Perhaps it is due to my current disposition towards the pessimistic side of things, but I do not think there will be a good resolution of cowgate. Rather, judging from the reactions and the statements issued by the various actors from both sides of the socio-political divide (inclusive of politicians and leaders of civil society organizations or otherwise), there can only be one conclusion - we are edging closer and closer to what we had hoped would never happen again 40 years onwards.

There do not seem to be any rational minds among our politicians to lead us out of this mess in a graceful manner. Everyone is thinking about how to gain the most political capital from this 'crisis'. Both sides are clearly guilty of this. No one realizes that such political capital is of no use once it all goes to shit.

Grassroot organizations have taken the proverbial bait in reacting to the situation in a manner which, if based on Yasmin Ahmad's measure of what is good, is not at all borne out of love or compassion. Last I checked, holding a candle-light vigil requires that people 'light a flame' when there is one already burning.

No one is reaching out. No one is actually communicating to each other. There is a clear delineation between the voices coming out from either side. The current reporting of what 'he-says-she-says', usually written up in separate articles as well, has merely helped to consolidate this perception of division.

The combined formula of 'rational' politics and 'independent' journalism is a pretty damned good recipe for disaster.

God help us.

To He Hua Temple...

For now I leave for Amsterdam.
Since it's Ramadan I won't eat ham.
But then I'm Buddhist so I wont eat beef.
That leaves me with nothing to chew between my teeth.

I could not outrun her...

Alas, I could not catch the running lass,
For the huntress slows only for her desired suitor.
Perhaps I seemed too mundane and a little crass,
And I had no golden apples for which to distract her.

Being pessimistic and angry about life...

Life is not like a box of chocolates,
It's more like mass-produced chocolate chips.
Still it'll drain the money from all your pockets,
And won't even bother to leave a tip.

Life might just be like a bed of roses,
Though sans the flowers with just the torns.
It'll arouse and seduce you with its sultry poses,
But leave you alone with your internet porn.

Some sing about life being but a dream,
Well, it's a nightmare from which you can't wake up.
So I say row your damned boat, down that bloody stream,
But stop being so merry about life and just shut the fuck up!

Farewell...

I'll miss you.
But I won't know what to say,
when I have to say goodbye.

Peace be upon us...

We have so much to learn about each other because there is so much that we don't know about one another. It'd be such a shame not to try harder to.

I think there was a line in Sepet that went something like, "he doesnt know me enough to like me. But he's in love with me".

By the same token, I don't think we know each other enough to dislike one another. But it's certainly easy enough to hate each other.

Though I really hope we won't give in to that emotion.

Instead of sowing harmony among the people, some would rather sow disunity. As the little people, we have to try to do more to prevent such seeds, planted by people who lack basic human decency, from growing into an unmanageable field of hatred.

We need to reach out. We also need to look within ourselves to make that effort.

Hopefully those on the other side of the divide will feel the same.

1 more month to go...

Maybe the best places to visit are those that your parents warn you against because "oh they don't like our people there!"

In a months time I return to South East Asia. And the two countries that I seem to want to visit the most are Indonesia and the Philippines, apart from Vietnam to see my brother.

Looking forward to the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, but at the same time gonna miss it a little.

Dreaming beyond one's imagination...

A shining star in a cloudy night's sky,
During the days of yore, of times gone by.
It guided the ships towards their ports,
Explorers, merchants, pirates, and all sorts.

On a privateer, an old sea captain sought,
To steal the star, for it could not be bought.
He reached his body over his vessel's bow,
"I'll take this star, yes! I'll show you how!"

As he fell overboard, his crewmen laughed,
"What a silly ol' fool! He must be daft!"
Trying not to sink, for help he cried,
His crew shouted back, "Yer Neptune's bride!"

Startled, he saw the star upon the sea,
His eyes widened and filled with glee!
He swam over to grab it, reached out with his hands,
Yet all he could grab were handfuls of sand.

For he woke up from lying on a beach in Miami,
The night was still young, the weather still balmy.
As he looked up above, that bright star still shone,
That's when the travellin' dreamer thought he should go home.

Wedding greetings...

As the both of you walk down the aisle,
I could not help but let out a smile.
The blissful journey that lies ahead,
Need not too many words be said.


Except for a short greeting from the heart:
In sickness, in health, till death do you part.

Rude pick up line...

Well if you're a woman, then I'm a man!
I can be your sausage, and you can be my ham!
If you happen to think this rhyme is sick,
Well what did you expect, coming from a prick?

Thesis writing (III)

Seven days and seven nights,
I can see the end in sight!
Without ever leaving the house,
Social life? Can't feel a pulse.

Writing my thesis (II)

Seven nights and seven days,
Don't seem like I have time to bathe.
Lines upon lines of meaningless text,
Writing of which means no time for...

Writing my thesis...

Seven days and seven nights,
Lots of coffee, fewer bites.
Fingers rarely off the keyboard,
Facebooking whenever I feel bored.

If PETA wrote limericks...

The butcher's daughter,
Dragged animals to slaughter.
One was a limp cow,
The other a fat sow,
Though none were as ugly as the girl's mother.

Mega mendung di angkasa...

I found myself dancing in the shower with "Hujan" from Mukshin playing in my head.

Thanks Yasmin!

Seating arrangements...

In life it seems we like to play musical chairs.

We get up and keep walking when the music starts to play.

When the music stops, we usually end up in a different chair.

We might want to get back on the first chair we sat in, but often someone else has taken it.

Otherwise, if you manage to stay in the game long enough, the chair you wanted might get taken out of the game.

In the end, when you win you end up in a different chair than the original one you had planned to sit on.

And you're not quite sure if you're comfortable sitting in it, because there was something about the first one that you missed.

It smells of future regret...

The heart has fewer wishes, than what reason had prescribed.
Yet I heeded not the heart, but rather accepted reason's bribe.

To take is easy, to give...

Often I have found that I have managed to help others more than I have helped myself. I have shared opportunities with others who have now received even more of which I initially hoped to have as my own. It is a conflicting emotion, to help others who have not had to work as hard to get the things you yourself wanted before, and which they often take for granted when they have it.

Though the last thing that they have received may not be something you would have gotten in their place in any case, you feel a slight resentment for the ease at which they collect the fruits fallen from the tree you have spent hours climbing to seek the ones on the highest bow, and in trying to reach shook it so much that caused the coveted fruit, as well as the ones you passed on your way up, to fall to the floor.

There is temptation to abandon the values which have led you to doing what you've always considered to be 'the right thing'. Yet, to abandon such values would essential separate you from your current being of existence, and could only take you towards a path less virtuous that many thread yet journey unscathed. It confuses you that it could be so, for you've always believed that those pure of heart would always endure towards the end. Maybe they do endure, but not without a decent amount of suffering.

Often those who choose the other route do not have to face such suffering because they do not share what they have in plenty, whereas those who have little suffer because they share when they themselves have not.

Nevertheless, it brightens a part of you that you have helped someone more than you have helped yourself. At the very least you have lightened someone's burden. Though sometimes you wish someone would lighten yours. Because you grow weary, and the world is not always as kind to you as you are to them.

Cold-blooded...

The other day I was watching a documentary that was made about why a dolphin attacked a person, because people were perplexed as to why a kind, gentle and docile animal like the dolphin would ever attack a human being.

It's terribly sad that in the case where a fellow human being has been killed in my country, there is no need to ask such a question.

That stupid thing called love...

Pray for happiness of others,
That we wish we had ourselves.
Love as brothers and as sisters,
Our own feelings left and shelved.

Wait for smiles on weary faces,
For dimples form on rosy cheeks.
Take their hearts to happy places,
So their joy may last for weeks.

Hold a hand and dry a tear,
Give a hug when one's in need.
Whisper softly into ear,
"Don't be sad dear, do not weep."

Leave not those who had been left,
Hold them close, don't let them cry.
Even if your ears are deaf,
Listen close for silent sighs.

As their laughter fills the air,
You have done as good a job.
To give tender loving care,
You have helped to stop the sobs.

When you find they no longer need you,
You're obliged to set them free.
Though a sadness might befall you,
Deep inside you're filled with glee.

Selfless love's a silly thing,
For it's often not returned.
Yet the lonely heart still sings,
After being badly burned.

Optimistically cynical...

I think as people get older, as their insecurities start to creep up on them upon being ejected out into the real world, often the natural response is to be cynical about the future. To be of the opinion that whatever's outside is inherently bad and that no amount of optimism in life can change that fact.

There are of course, many things wrong with the way things are in the world today. But there are likely just as many things which are right. And there are also a lot of people willing to do what it takes to solve what is wrong so those things can be as close to being right as possible. Not a lot of people choose to hold the latter two views for a very long time.

It is a lot easier to see what is wrong and dismiss it. It is a lot harder to see what is wrong and try to fix it.

It is a lot easier to see what is right and dismiss it as a fluke. It is a lot harder to see what is right as the sum of the continued perseverance of those who chose not to give up.

At the end of the day, being cynical yet unwilling to do our own bit is essentially hypocritical. Being cynical but willing to do our bit will drive us insane eventually.

Being optimistic but unwilling to do anything makes one pretty annoyingly cheery. Being optimistic yet still willing to something makes one a bit brave but naive.

But if we're able to see what is wrong and right in front of us, make our best judgments in the next steps and consider carefully what lies ahead and beyond while keeping an optimistic outlook, then maybe, just maybe we will be able - to do it right.

Fight the power, yo!!!

The financial crisis is such a bitch!
No jobs! No money! No means to get rich!

The banks have failed, our governments have too!
Corporate fat cats do not own up to their dues!

A government for the people and by the people?
Bah! If that were so, they'd rid us of this evil!

For if only those in power were fair,
None of these culprits would ever be spared!

And while the poor little people suffer and wait,
To be bailed out by their seemingly benevolent states,

As all of us pray for the road to recovery,
These wretched devils commit more skullduggery!

So damn all of those bloody wallstreet bankers,
For being such reckless spending wankers!

They have no concern for starving kids,
And sell their souls for the highest bid!

While families struggle to make ends meet,
They blow wads of cash all on High Street!

If good ol' Maximilien had his means,
He'd send these bastards to the guillotine!

For alas! There seems to be no other way,
To force these heartless fools to pay.

Hence perhaps the only reasonable solution,
Is a call to arms - to revolution!

We'll fight for what we rightfully deserve,
So that governments know just who they serve!

We'll take to the streets in cities and towns,
And hope our 'kind' states won't put us down!

Under pressure...

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn

Why?
Love

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves

This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure

page 126...

'Social life, he said, echoing Jolande's story about the doctor, has to be based on a certain degree of trust, on being on the same wavelength. When you have too many people whose culture and values are utterly different from your own, that trust can no longer be sustained. Even with his closest Muslim friends, he said, he felt that he could never be sure that they had the same understanding, the same references, the same sense of humour"'

page 116...

Excerpt from Murder in Amsterdam by Ian Buruma:

' Did his father ever regret having come to the Netherlands? "No, he didn't, because he sacrified everything for us to have a better life. He wanted me to become a doctor, the safest option. He doesn't understand why I wanted to become an architect. He thinks I'm a kind of bricklayer."

Farhane speaks Dutch to his brothers. With his parents he speaks Berber as well as Dutch. "About fifty-fifty", he said. Samir, the architect, said he still felt "like a guest in this country." I asked Farhane whether he ever felt Dutch. "Neither Dutch, nor Moroccan," he replied. What if Holland plays soccer against Morocco? "Then I'm for Morocco, for sure! But if I had to choose between a Dutch passport and a Moroccan one, I would choose the Netherlands. You have to think of your interests. A Moroccan passport would be useless. But with soccer I can choose for my own blood."'

Carpe diem!

We live, we die,
We learn how to cry.
For pain, for love,
Or for all the above.

In truth our tears,
Are not out of fear.
But because of lost time,
To say what's on our minds.

To be stuck with "what if?"
Because you felt stiff,
And not had the balls,
To go risk it all.

So one must feel brave,
To not take regrets to your grave.
And seize the day,
To keep sorrow at bay!

Bourgeoisie versus proletariat?

Why is it that the politically-saavy urban middle class folks seem to be so much less concerned about their rural counterparts? In all the discourse about democracy, freedom and human rights, there seems to be a lack of mentioning of the plight of the rural peoples. What do they want? Has anyone bothered to ask?

The online press and the so-called "new media practitioners"(who are the worst offenders) often only report what is being discussed among urban middle-class civil society, but rarely give much of, if any coverage about the rural poor (or for that matter, also the urban poor). Unless of course there happens to be a by election going on at the time. All that you read in the media, new and old alike, is mostly just the kind of he-says-she-says coverage of the "upper echelons of society", i.e. politicians, artsy-fartsy-I-read-Kafka-and-Dostoyevsky types and kopitiam political analysts (who probably mostly get their fix at a Starbucks just so they can use the free WiFi to "stay connected").

Reporting of rural peoples are often reduced to "horny father rapes daughter" or "mak cik who sells pisang goreng for 20 years decides to sell fried cempedak and makes it big by buying a kancil". Stories that are either trying to give you the impression that rural folks are hillbillies or that are trying to make you go "aaawwww...poor people are so cute" like they're some race of fuzzy little bunnies.

While one could always point out that it's more difficult to get the poor and rural peoples organized (because they actually have to work hard for a living!), why haven't any of their urban iPod-carrying, camera-snapping, blog-reading, Obama-lovin', facebook-ing, twittering, feminist, civil rights activist, indie musician, actor/artist wannabe brethen reached across the divide to find out what's up in say...Sekinchan! Or Kuala Lipis? Just as an exercise to understand what matters to people in different parts of the country.

Thus far, the only references to the plight of the poor in this "struggle for democracy" are mostly used within the context of making the arguments of those who are speaking out to sound more credible. "Be fair to all races in order to help the poor!", is often the tag line. On the most part, it would seem to be mere lipservice rather than a show of any real genuine concern, because how many people really elaborate on what are these poor people issues? It gives the impression that somehow it is only possible to get rid of poverty only after you get rid of race.

It can't be denied that city dwellers have access to more means of communication and hence are able to air their issues better. So perhaps it might take some effort on the part of the city slickers to help bring rural issues to the table and into the media at large.

Otherwise, whatever "change" that comes next will only serve to disenfranchise the poorer urban and rural classes, and we might just move from race-based politics only to end up in a situation of class-based politics much like in many parts of the world. And class in many cases is just as ugly as race.

La vie en rodent...

I once saw a French mouse,
In a Parisian house.
He wore a burret,
Said "Oui, oui! Mon cheri!"

As he wiggled his bum,
That fat little chum.
Beer mug in his hand,
He laughed while he danced.

Along with his pals,
And some nice lookin' gals.
Sang odes to love,
And to the bright lights above.

In the city of lights,
deep into the night.
This band of lil' mice,
Sure had a good life!

Alhamdullilah...

So the professor from Pakistan I've emailed to get information about food safety and Islamic food law just replied to me after more than a month.

He said he sent me 7 articles that he wrote by post just this week and told me it took him some time because of the current conditions that he has to put up with - facing daily electricity outtages as a result of the current violence that is plaguing Pakistan.

Words cannot begin to describe how appreciative I am and guilty at the same time for his efforts. The fact that he kept his word despite the fact that it would be so much easier to forget about it (and anyone would totally understand) leaves me greatly humbled and in admiration of his determination and integrity.

At the same time, at least this gives me all the more motivation to do my best for this thesis and present something that will hopefully be good and readable.

I may not be Muslim, but I think it's appropriate at this moment to say: Alhamdullilah.

Self-reflection...

So my time back in the safety of academia is almost over. In a couple of months I'll be spit out into the real world, hopefully able to build upon something I would like to think I've laid down in these two short years.

In many ways, going back to school, and being able to do so abroad in a region of the world a lot of people could only dream of visiting, has been a great blessing. But it's also really been a second chance. In life in general, but more specifically in pursuing a career that I would be happy to end up with.

I think I started off this journey fairly desperate and hence pretty fired up about trying to do the best I can. Pretty much trying to throw myself in the deep end at every chance because I knew there's just so much I missed out on and needed to learn. I had to make up for all the lost time. And I think I'm a bit better for it.

Yet, here I am again growing anxious about what's to come next. And it feels similar though not exactly the same as the first time. Back then, I reckon I really didn't know what I wanted. Now? I think I know the general direction, though I'm not quite settled on where exactly just yet.

In some ways I think there is still an amount of self doubt about whether you really can do what you're setting out to achieve. In terms of the real world, you're just a mere seedling and you don't know whether you will grow into a proper tree that will bear fruit or die off before the next spring comes.

But at least I'd like to think that the experiences of the past two years will serve me well in the coming days ahead. I think the the few things I've learnt in this brief period of time is to deal with failure a bit better and to know that there is still heck of a lot I need to learn. I still make bad decisions sometimes. More than I'm comfortable with, but I've survived.

At the same time, I like that I can now push myself harder since I'm sure I really do like what I'm doing. I think that's helped set me straight towards the right direction.

I think I might havee grown a bit more cynical about the things around me, though at the same time due to that cynicism I'm willing to put in a great deal more effort. I don't really know how much of a good thing that is, but I guess I'll find out later.

All in all, as contradictory as it may sound, I'm really happy about how thing have turned out. How while I'm once again heading out there with much uncertainty as to what may happen, there is a certain calm amidst the fear and anxiety. I kinda like that.

Dissing and stereotyping the southern neighbour...

Should I, oh should I, go to Singapore?
There is Katong laksa and Geylang whores.

There's efficient transportation with the MRT.
Though why is one station called Clementi?

Not like MM LKY would show any leniency,
To those who speak out in the name of democracy! (*I sue you!*)

But then those people down south are all damn si beh kiasu!
And say stuff like "wah seh!", "wah piang!" and "wah lao eh!" too!

No littering? And what's this!? No chewing gum!?
Us Malaysians will surely leave with sore bum.

6 percent from their taps, used to be crap.
Do the ERPs also double up as speed traps?

Not that I would worry since I would have no car,
To pick up SPGs at all those expat bars.

Though maybe we aren't that different, we might just be the same,
Because when things go wrong, we all say "government's to blame!"

We have our Kenny Sia, they have their Xiaxue and Dawn,
Which Singaporean ah bengs all just adore and fawn.

What is our roti canai is their roti prata,
And neither of us would be caught buying shoes at Bata.

The hawker food's not bad, also has a bit of "class".
Though Penang food will always kick their sorry ass!

Ah Singapore, oh Singapore, maybe it won't be so bad,
To work crazy long hours and go completely mad!

Liberté, égalité, fraternité!

PSD scholarship review

"The Government will review the selection criteria for Public Services Department scholarships, said MCA president Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat.

Currently, Ong said, the selection is based on four criteria - merit (20%), race (60%), Sabah and Sarawak citizens (10%) and students from underprivileged groups (10%)."

Chances of getting a PSD scholarship:

Have merit, but not underpriviledged nor live in Sabah or Sarawak = 20%
Have merit, underpriviledged but do not live in Sabah or Sarawak = 30%
Have merit, underpriviledged and live in Sabah or Sarawak = 40%

If you have no merit, are not underpriviledged, do not live in Sabah or Sarawak but are of the correct race = 60%

We live in the most just and equitable country in the world! Hurrah!

Dr. Strangelove, lord of the flies and a very bleak outlook of humanity...

Always have and always will,
down my spine,
I feel a chill.

If the mushroom clouds should bloom,
on this world,
all will be doomed.

Towards the subterranean shelters,
all will scurry,
helter skelter.

Safe within earth's bowels retained,
yet human decency,
will cease to remain.

In suffering, hardship, when life is torn,
towards each other,
we treat with scorn.

Death, destruction and pandemonium,
the rotting corpses,
smell of ammonium.

Successive future species will wonder,
"why could humans,
not live with each other?"

Unaware that their own seeds of hate,
have just been sown,
to meet our fate.

Live long and prosper...

It's not the first time I've thought about this, but if I was a Star Trek alien, I would probably be a Vulcan. That whole superficially emotionally distant persona is actually the vibe I tend to give out to people these days. In truth, it's not entirely by choice, but it's one of the symptoms that you get from moving around too much. You feel the need to hide your emotions because otherwise if you let it out you wouldn't be able to get anything done. There's a constant need for mental discipline, to not freak out when you realize you don't know where you're heading, what you'll be doing in a couple of months time, and who you're going to have to say goodbye to.

Unfortunately, the reality is such that you actually do get that well of emotion inside about certain things, certain places and certain people. Sometimes it doesn't even matter how briefly you've come across them. And it does corrode your mental resolve. That's why Vulcans go crazy every seven years with pon farr I suppose.

But all in all, I've got to say I've done a pretty good job keeping it from the surface so that most people don't see it. At times I'm a bit afraid of how good a job I do about it.

Regretably, I feel I've not done enough to keep in touch with old friends nor enough to get to know the new ones better. Frankly I don't completely understand why not, but it's become a habit (a poor one) nonetheless.

Yet in the end you miss them all the same.

Comfort food...or cooking?

For me comfort food isn't actually something I eat. Rather it's what I cook.

No matter how crappy my mood, how horrible things get, or how stressed out I become, somehow cooking a simple meal for people makes all the bad things go away. There's this feeling of catharsis that envelopes you as you dig into the food and see the faces of others around you enjoying it - you go from being grumpy and self-loathing to being as light as a feather!

There's not any other feeling quite like it. That natural high...you just can't get it from anything else. And I'm glad I'm fortunate enough to be able to feel it, because so far I've met only one other person who can "feel the love" so to speak.

Hmmm...maybe someday my epitaph should read:

"Cooking saved my life from everything short of death itself."

It sure feels that way.

p.s. I think somehow with time, my comfort "dish" has turned out to be roast chicken. It's easy, cheap to make and you can have it in so many variations. Yet it takes tender loving care to make sure it turns out just right - with that brown, crispy skin and moist luscious breast meat. And that jus on the side just makes it extra special without much added work!

Religion...

I have little faith in religion,
But I do have faith in god.
I know that doesnt exactly sound,
like two peas inside a pod.

But for every religious fanatic,
There is someone suffering pain.
From some idiot who thinks dying,
for religion is a gain.

Why must I believe in your god,
To get a ticket up to heaven?
What about all our fellow other,
Good but non-believing brethen?

Are they simply to be forsaken,
For one man's word against another?
Are we simply to be damned,
For being labelled as the other?

I truly cannot believe,
That all of decent human kind,
Could be as stupid to insist,
That their god would seem to mind.

If they didn't profess the name,
Or they didn't bow down in prayer.
I don't think god's that insecure,
To be like a bling-bling flashing player.

For if there truly was a god,
I think he'd rather that we all,
Just be compassionate towards ourselves,
Rather than passing pamphlets at the mall.

So if you come across someone,
Whose chosen god is not the same,
Give that fellow man a hug,
Rather than blowing out his brains.

Baking for comfort...

In the past few weeks staying in my new student flat, I've noticed that two of the three new residents in the corridor have baked something on the first or second day after moving in. Of course, I did the same too.

It's not difficult to explain why I suppose. For some reason, when you move into a completely new environment where everything and everyone is unfamiliar (and not always so keen to get to know you off the bat in this case), you kinda feel the need to bring something familiar into the picture. Something that allows you to set up a bit of your comfort zone in your new surroundings.

The other resident who didn't bake something happened to know the existing people in the corridor quite well already. So I guess there was no "need" to.

It seems like a logical theory.

Should I be worried that I've been baking so much lately?

Or then again, maybe it's just something I like to do anyway...

Is the human mind half full or half empty?

So why is it that our natural progression in life often means that we have to become more cynical as we age?

Adults always regard young people as being "naive", that they don't know how the "real world" works. But who determined that the "real world" should be crappy and horrible, full of all things that make people fundamentally unhappy anyway?

Why can't it be that we grow up thinking that the world is going to be horrible, but then realize as we grow older that it's really a wonderful place to be and this is due to the general kindness of the human spirit? That the "real world" is really frickin' amazing with sunshine, ponies, rainbows and all that? It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense if you think about it.

For one thing, how many genuinely evil people do we meet in our life?

I, for one, have not met anyone who has intentionally attempted to harm others just for the sake of doing something evil. Most of the time, we just tend to do harm to others as a consequence of our inner insecurities or due to our drive for healthy competition gone wrong. As far as I know, I've never met anyone who constantly schemes to hurt someone else either physically or mentally, just because.

People who actually do so are most often insane, something of which in other words rules them out of having any real intention of causing harm for evil's sake.

So does that mean that we live in a world full of crazies? And does the craziness of other wear off on us and hence makes us crazy ourselves?

Is that the real reason why we think that our natural progression in life means that we have to become more cynical as we age, that the thought is essentially a product of our insane mind?

So by deduction the solution to the problem, in order to break this hegemony of illogical cynicism, is to be more optimistic and to trust in the human spirit and kindness of others.

At once - the reactive thought that comes after reading the former statement is that it's too difficult and too naive.

But, well, at least maybe it's a lot less crazy.

Full of sh*t...

So while taking a call of nature at the office, a thought suddenly popped into my head - who's responsible for urinal and toilet design?

By this I don't mean the aesthetic aspects of how they look but rather the functional properties necessary to build a good toilet/urinal.

I'm sure you need someone to think about the physics related to, *ahem*, "movement". What is the falling speed? (Because otherwise you could get a real nasty splash effect.) Does one have to calculate the parabolic function related to the male process of micturation in front of a urinal? (Or is it an intrinsically unsolvable mathematical problem, since they always have that shoot the target/bulls-eye/frog as guidance?)

Then the designer/engineer would have to translate their mathematical calculations into how the toilet/urinal bowl should look. The exact height, width or curvature, etc. I'm sure in the past they thought about what kind of material as well, though these days we all use good ol' incorrodable porcelain (sometimes stainless steel for those trough-style urinals though).

Somehow urinal design tends to be more dynamic than for toilets. A lot of different shapes, sizes, styles and fixture heights. So if anyone wants to pursue further studies in functional toilet design, I suppose urinals are the way to go! More room for experimentation!

Weirdly enough, in Holland, they have these crap bins where there is an elevated plateau where the doo-doo lands and remains until you flush it (as oppossed to the kind where there is direct deposition into the aqueous environment that everyone else in the world uses). A Dutch friend once told me it's because Dutch people used to be concerned about having tapeworms in their bellies so checking your own stool samples for larvae was a means of finding out if you had them. But, with modern standards of sanitation, shouldn't they have stopped obssessing by now!? Why do they still design them this way!?!?

I'm pretty darned sure there must be people out there today who have "toilet physicist" or "toilet engineer" on their business cards (who probably have a hard time explaining what they do at dinner parties). And what a mighty great service those men and women are doing for the rest of society.

They're figuring all this stuff out so we don't have to sit on it to think about it. Instead, we can just read our magazines.

Must stop listening to Billy Joel...

What am I looking for?
What do I seek?
The river of dreams?
It's divided to creeks!

Can't seem to focus,
On forging ahead,
Thoughts are distracted,
I can't get to bed.

Restless in spirit,
Body and mind.
The long road before me,
Looks daunt and unkind.

Yet stride forward I must.
Keen, driven, despite,
Feet threading gingerly,
My heart full of fright.

Doomsayer...

I think it's come to a point of time in our society today that all of us have to at least let go a little. Because if we don't, and I don't suppose I'm the first to think of this, we're inevitably going to head towards something really, really bad.

If you don't have anything, are completely destitute, that's understandable. You need to keep whatever you have in order to survive. But if you think you can't give up a little bit because you won't be able to afford the Benz and have to settle for the Volvo, or would have to give up skiing every twice a month, then I think one should reconsider.

I honestly doubt the majority of people are living hand-to-mouth at the moment (at least in the developed world), but I'm pretty sure everyone seems to think they are because of the crisis.

So it's a completely natural reaction to want to keep the wealth and not let go of it. We tend to be more selfish when times are difficult. So that's essentially the problem, because by hoarding the wealth we are denying those who need it. And when the others have no alternatives, they tend to turn to harder stuff. Crime will increase, civil unrest will occur.

It's already happening as we speak. We are already sliding down a slippery slope, and it's not a pretty picture at the end of the tunnel.

If we don't do something real...I dare not think about what might happen.

Relearning humility...

Reality has a twisted way of bringing you down to size, reducing you from lofty, ambitious dreamer to one who sulks in the recesses of his own self-contained mind. It isn't a very good feeling, and it's certainly one that you hope to get rid of soon enough.

It's like being on standby for the next flight after missing the one you thought you were supposed to be on. Anxiously brooding over whether there will be a vacant seat to take soon.

You fidget in the uncomfortable seat withhin the cold, faceless terminal building. What you feel can be described as being emotionally constipated. You hate having to be stuck in an environment that thousands of people pass through everyday but never remain longer than they have to in order to get to the next destination. It makes you feel left behind somehow.

The smug look of the passer-by heading off to their next sunny locale elicits an uneasy emotion of envy and ill will. "It's not their fault you're stuck where you are", you try to remind yourself.

The sooner you get on the next plane, the better. You crave for relief from the ennuity, and the simmering sense of general negativity underneath that threatens to encompass you if you don't get a move on.

Even if it might involve multiple stopovers to get to your final destination, hell even if it involves jumping out the plane midway to switch flights, you don't care!

There is only so much the human spirit can take, whether it might have been self-inflicted or by the circumstances that have befallen oneself.

I need a ticket. Fast.

Interesting thoughts...

"Great religions, like great ideas of mankind, came either to give moral support and hope when all else seemed lost, or they appeared when laxity or opulence seemeded to have eroded the most elementary rules of a community's ethical norms."

"Before the establishment of such a state of affairs, it is the extremist, the orthodox who holds the reigns, for in agitation, in revolution which stems from a religious cause, there cannot be be any moderation."

"The vast majority of Muslims per se are not basically trying to recreate an Islamic state in the sense in which it could have existed centuries ago; in fact, the desire is to create a state in which, because of religious precepts, they are given, to some extent, a voice in the affairs of the state."

"It was stressed that Islam did not recognize kings and monarchs, and that Islam had given the world a sense of the true essence of the democratic principles.

- Farooq Hassan

Writing to clear the mind...

I wanted to write a poem,
But the verses wouldn't rhyme.

I wanted to write a story,
But know I'd end up feeling sorry.

I wanted to write a play,
But couldn't figure out what to say.

I wanted to write an essay,
But my thoughts got very messy.

I wanted to write a song,
But all the lyrics came out wrong.

So I wanted to write you a letter,
But thought I'd save it for someone better.

And I ended up writing nothing,
Except for this lousy proseless thing.

Yet somehow I didn't want to throw it all down the rubbish bin.
Because it captured all the feelings I've been keeping deep within.

If you have to do something, do it well!

Everybody needs some fire in the belly.
But not too much, else you'd need to take some antacids...

Amazing!

The Food Cart Song

Genius!

Hope is cheap, change is costly...

We seek peace while waging war,
Live today at expense of tomorrow.
Help the weak to show we're strong,
Search for happiness in people's sorrow.

We live in a worldful of contradictions,
Softened hearts with hardened nerves.
Lofty promises without conviction,
In guise it is for those they serve.

Thus humanity's saving grace,
Will not be in our politician's hands.
It's coming together face to face,
To leave collective footprints in the sand.

The lost wisdom of our forefathers,
We so dearly need relearn,
We know so little of each other,
Yet it's such knowledge that we yearn.

Hence us - the ascending generation,
Who have iPods, Facebook and Twitter,
Need to ask ourselves a question,
Should we let dear Mother Earth wither?

Career-related worries...

With what feels like the weight of the world upon your shoulders,
How do you proceed without stumbling a little along the way?
Though there is youth in age, you can't help but feel older,
When you have to concern yourself about how to get paid.

Life and dreams...

If we had no dreams or aspirations, our minds and intellects would merely be subsisting.

We would not really be living, only persisting in a state of existence which has no meaning or purpose.

There would be no destination to our journey.

No point in our life that we can look back at nor anything on the horizon of our future that we can see from a distance.

We would not notice or meet any interesting people.

And we would not say our fond farewells to them afterwards after they have become our friends.

So in spite of my situation that constantly threatens to jolt me into waking up, I will keep dreaming.

Not because I'm idealistic and blind to the reality before me.

But because I want to say fond farewells to people that have become my friends.

Because I want to meet interesting people.

Because I want to be able to look back at my life and laugh or smile at it.

I want to look forward to the future.

I want to find out where my journey finally takes me.

But most of all, I want to live.

We are doomed!!!

Saya tak nak Bahasa Inggris

You just have to wonder if this is the result of years of Mahatirism that has resulted in misguided ultra Malay nationalism, which when combined with the dumbing down of the education system has led to such a sad state of affairs. Ironically if that is so, Mahatirism may ultimately have achieved the exact oppossite of what he envisioned. As brilliant a man as he may be, perhaps he did not account for the fact that his people may not have seen what he was trying to do for the future of his people and they have been led astray despite the best intentions.

The burden of governance...

Ideology is a poor substitute for kindness and decency...

"When democracy is failing you have to resort to any means necessary as long as it is peaceful and does not harm other human beings"

If throwing green custard on someone's face cannot be defined as harm to other human beings, then what is? How does one start to define harm then? Just because nobody is physically injured doesn't mean someone isn't harmed. And just because your opinion isn't the one that has prevailed doesn't mean you should freely act outside of the ideological system for which you had supported to be put in place in the first place.

The lack of basic decency and responsibility in the actions on the part of the comfortably well-fed left is probably the very reason why the basic principles for which the left had stood for, once upon a time ago, are being destroyed piecemeal.

After all, such behaviour can only exist and be tolerated in a political system for which there is little or no repercussion for an individual's actions as long as one asserts that one has done so in the spirit of the ideological system and has not caused harm to others, however dubious such an assertion is. Were it not for the 'evils' of the state and its operators acting on their behalf, these folks would never had been able to do so. They would not be free to live out their pseudo-socialist lifestyles.

So how can one of the comfortably well-fed left truly understand why socialism was necessary one time ago when their pseudo-socialist lifestyles today are supported by a system they are against nominally, but the lifestyle would disappear were the current system really removed as they claim they hope it to be?

It is fundamentally contradictory.

Also, I suppose if one were to go about a critique of the far right, one would likely conclude at the very same point that a critique of the left would arrive at. Both fall under the same umbrella of democracy, and it is not surprising that both are essentially not that different at their polar opposites. Neither the far left or far right are willing to meet at a middle-point in many cases, and hence the radicalism in ideology will precede common sense and be the root and cause of disquiet, which will ultimately harm our fellow human beings.

Random thoughts that don't make a whole lot of sense..

Politics is often not about ideology but just about politics.

Sometimes it is better to say nothing than to have nothing to say.

The bags I'm carryig are not as heavy as the baggage that I have.

The amount that I'll miss you is inversely proportional to the amount of time I've know you.

Loyalty binds those of us who wish we didn't need it to do so.

Departure...

Rue not the missed chances, fate, or circumstances.
And leave without regrets, shame or debt.

To love...

To love is to forgive,
and not to forget.
But the love that we give,
Oft in return we don't get.

To love is to heal,
and not to cause hurt.
But to love full of zeal,
Oft leave parting words curt.

To love is to say truth,
and not to tell lies.
But for love to be ruth,
Oft we fake smiles at goodbyes.

To love is to understand,
and not to ask why.
But by love we may stand,
Oft alone we shall die.

To day-dreaming chefs...

If you compiled your dreams,
Into a list of recipes,
I'm sure the cookbook would be a bestseller!

Cloyingly cheesy...

I once knew a girl named Mélodie,
A kind young maiden, so sweet and fair.
If my heart was a tooth, she'd be my tooth fairy,
and I'd stay up all night, just to catch a whiff of her hair.

Vagabonds...

As we walk across this peaceful earth,
Conflict mounts within our hearts.
Today we might still be on familiar turf,
Tomorrow? We could be worlds apart.

We are vagabonds wandering without an aim,
Will we live tomorrow or die today?
Life can be such a cruel, wretched game,
And in its rules, we have no say.

Those dear to us are far away, yet,
Those loathe to us, they're within an inch.
Our weathered souls can get no rest,
Our pained fragile minds recoil and wince.

In time our thoughts will start to stray,
Away from the good and kind within.
Our mental seams will begin to fray,
Lost is our pledge to commit no sin.

So we walk a path, we once dared not take,
And muddy ourselves up to our waist.
A love once spurned that turns to hate,
Because of reckless, youthful haste.

Though the quartz of time may not be kind,
To the travellers off the beaten path,
As deep as we can stare into the abyss' mind,
Hope still shines through a narrow shaft.

Hence in our meandering through this journey of life,
Take comfort in friends who will take your place,
When you protest against wickedness while on hunger strike,
Or just in an attempt to lose some weight.

English-Chinese translated poetry...

我的名叫毅，毅就代表毅力。
所以能耐，能耐到没有气力！

Yet more vulgarity...

I wanna go to China!
I wanna go to China!
Even if that means,
I won't see no vagina!

(figuratively speaking of course...)

My brain has turned squishy...

Right now I feel like I'm squeezing my brain as if it were an orange and I'm squeezing it so hard just to get every last drop of juice, when I can easily just go and buy a carton of it from the store.

The alternative seems so much easier.

But then again, Sunny-D just ain't the same thing as the freshly squeezed stuff!!!

Deliberation...

Words that are not spoken,
Are often words that have no meaning.
But if promises are broken,
Would it not be devoid of feeling?

Duty and desire

Duty and desire,
Both light my heart's fire.
But as I get old,
One starts to grow cold.

GDP (Gross, disgusting and perverse...)

I guess what marks the transition from an emerging economy to a developed country, is that people start paying more attention to political sex scandals than they do about the actual economy. We have truly arrived in the world! Malaysia boleh!

Crossing paths when time has lapsed...

I'm setting off on my journey,
But oh, what a great find!
Too bad that I'm leaving,
And I'm all out of time.

I wish I could stay,
To watch her sweet smile,
It brightens my day,
From as far as a mile!

Though I dare not proceed,
For faint of the heart.
If we're together today,
Tomorrow we'll part.

So farewell dear Mélodie!
I'll see you one day.
If for fate and serendipity,
You should stumble my way.

The ghost of man...

No harm from the supernatural will come for those true of heart and spirit,
the only harm that will come to those true of heart and spirit is from their fellow man.

Scared as shit...

Tomorrow is the day where I will hopefully be able to do the scariest thing I have ever done in my life.

Socio-economic inequality

The rights of man,
The rights of those,
who dared to take a stand.

Who fought for justice,
For our beliefs,
And lent a helping hand.

To those of us,
Who today recite,
The phrase, "Yes we can"

Remember those rights,
Are rights hard fought,
Of which shan't be forgot.

Lest the wrongs of man,
Should blind our thoughts,
To all those who have not.

And permit injustice,
Misguide our beliefs,
And let the human spirit rot.

For the rights of man,
Are rights for all,
And hence our duty calls.

To stand abreast,
Against the evils,
Their plans we shall forestall.

For even if we fail,
And defeat looms,
And noble intentions fall.

The rights of man,
Must still be championed,
With or without a plan.

We don't really know which way we swing...

Some people who claim to be liberal,
are often more conservative.
While others who claim to be conservative,
are often more liberal.

Damn, I hope we get this idea through...

For I dipt into the future, far as human eye could see,
saw the vision of the world, and all the wonders that could be;

Saw the heavens fill with commerce, argosies of magic sails,
Pilots of the purple twilight, dropping down with costly bales;

Heard the heavens fill with shouting, and there rain'd a ghastly dew
From the nations' airy navies grappling in the central blue;

Far along the world-wide whisper of the south-wind rushing warm,
With the standards of the peoples plunging thro' the thunder-storm;

Till the war-drum throbb'd no longer, and the battle-flags were furl'd
In the parliament of man, the Federation of the world.

There the common sense of most shall hold a fretful realm of awe,
And the kindly earth shall slumber, lapt in universal law.
- Alfred Tennyson

Random self-destructive thoughts...

As human beings we seem to be fixated with the idea of flirting with total self-annihilation in order for our society to progress and move forward. We seek triumph in the face of defeat, we seek glory as we position ourselves closer to being disgraced. The best example of all, however, is that we like to seek peace from within war. Somehow it seems unlikely that we could manifest the idea of peace in war's absence. Or triump without defeat, glory without disgrace and so on.

History seems to show that we have always become worse before we ever became better. Enlightened thoughts and technological advancements have often come as a result of the appearance of ideas with more sinister intentions.

Today, we have this perverse fascination with the horrible images seen on TV, with watching people suffering from great tragedies around the world. This is because as long as we are in touch with the bad things that are happening around us, only then can we come up with good ideas to make the world a better place.

If one thinks about it, it is just completely illogical that if there were no horrible conflicts, major tragedies, injustices and inequalities inflicted by one group upon another - in other words no flirting with the prospect of self-annihilation, we would never be able come up with ways to become a better human race.

The naysayers would probably conclude that because of this we are essentially doomed, and it does remain to be seen if we will come to realize that if we don't become aware of this we may just well prove the cynics right.

The great leap forward!

I think I'm going to China! Back to the motherland! Cina really balik Cina!

All I can say right now is that the feeling of anxiety and exhilaration is coursing through my body intermittently in no particular order because the idea of it is surreal at best if I'm thinking rationally, and absolutely crazy if I'm letting my mind wander off a bit. On the one hand I'm thinking I'll know what to expect since I can speak the language fairly well and know the culture to some extent. I'd like to think I know it since my heritage is Chinese after all despite my somewhat banana-fied personal development. Yet at the same time I think I'll be completely clueless when I actually get there. The thought of it is driving me nuts but also giving me a natural high simultaneously!

In reality, I suppose it's not really such a big step considering I will only be there for half a year. It should give me a good idea about whether I would consider relocating there for longer periods of time or end up staying in a Western country, since ironically I know that part of the world somewhat better. It's going to be a demo version of a life in China, and I can decide later on if I want to buy the real thing.

Let the long march begin!