The world is becoming a smaller place,
though sometimes I wish it were bigger.
Because if you didn't have to see someone's face,
at least you wouldn't have to hear him snigger.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Internal conversations
There are those moments that you can't seem to separate your emotional desire from the reality which is presented before you. Even though you know something is not within your reach and quite possibly, will never be, somehow the heart and head can't seem to agree that which is the truth.
The heart keeps protesting that the brain is lying, yet the brain can do nothing else but tell the heart it's only telling it as it is for its own good. Someday the heart will understand, but for now it can't stop feeling more than just a bit lost and without direction, clinging onto a hope which never existed in the first place. It feels a little bitter about how it turned out, but mostly it just wishes things could have been different.
The brain understands how the heart feels, yet can offer nothing more than small words of comfort, that it isn't as bad as it seems to be, and that embracing reality is perhaps more logical than continuing one's fantasy.
So the heart may still be sad, but at least it knows it has the support of mr. cranium, and knows that it should hang on for now and sometime later, move on.
The heart keeps protesting that the brain is lying, yet the brain can do nothing else but tell the heart it's only telling it as it is for its own good. Someday the heart will understand, but for now it can't stop feeling more than just a bit lost and without direction, clinging onto a hope which never existed in the first place. It feels a little bitter about how it turned out, but mostly it just wishes things could have been different.
The brain understands how the heart feels, yet can offer nothing more than small words of comfort, that it isn't as bad as it seems to be, and that embracing reality is perhaps more logical than continuing one's fantasy.
So the heart may still be sad, but at least it knows it has the support of mr. cranium, and knows that it should hang on for now and sometime later, move on.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A horny man's poem...
Hath thou not passed a wistful stare,
Towards thy object of heart's desire.
Seductive eyes (not to mention, a decent pair),
Thy wished with her, a child you'd sire.
Towards thy object of heart's desire.
Seductive eyes (not to mention, a decent pair),
Thy wished with her, a child you'd sire.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Right place, wrong time...
How do I mend my broken heart,
When you and I are worlds apart?
How do I stop the tears from flowing,
When where you'll be, I'm not going?
How do I feel a little less pain,
When once you're gone, I won't be the same?
How do I stop my soul from dying,
When I don't know where you'll be flying?
When you and I are worlds apart?
How do I stop the tears from flowing,
When where you'll be, I'm not going?
How do I feel a little less pain,
When once you're gone, I won't be the same?
How do I stop my soul from dying,
When I don't know where you'll be flying?
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Um...no?
“We need to take this drastic action because Zaid’s action in attending functions and being seen with opposition leaders are against the party’s ethics."
Did not know that party had ethics.
“In such cases, we need to act tough. Umno is always consistent and we cannot be seen as practising double standards,”
Uttering racist remarks just gets you suspended for 3 years. Attending a function hosted by the opposition? Sacked! Double standards? What double standards?
Did not know that party had ethics.
“In such cases, we need to act tough. Umno is always consistent and we cannot be seen as practising double standards,”
Uttering racist remarks just gets you suspended for 3 years. Attending a function hosted by the opposition? Sacked! Double standards? What double standards?
Monday, December 1, 2008
A series of unfortunate events...
You know those days where everything around you seems to come crashing down on you all at once?
That actually almost literally happened to me when:
1. My book shelf cum computer desk fell on top of me last night, breaking a precious porcelain momento on the shelf that I've managed to keep intact for quite a while. Of course I accidentally step on the broken shards and cut my foot, leaving a nice little puddle of blood on the floor. The stains on the carpet probably aren't coming off anytime soon.
2. My gay best friend has more or less abandoned me on weekends to gay it up a notch in Geneva's rainbow haven. Well, he does usually invite me out together with his 'family' (as he likes to call it) to 'family' bars and clubs, which of course I tend to turn down. Somehow thronging the local gay bars watching guys kissing guys and girls kissing girls (which actually would not be so bad if the girls are hot but more often than not they aren't!) just really doesn't do much for me.
3. I realize that I don't have free access to the kitchen whenever I want to, so I'm cooking a lot less than I used to. Not being able to invite people over for meals is also quite a downer, since eating alone frankly blows.
4. I'm feeling kinda lost around these parts. I can't seem to click with the bunch of Americans at work so much, and they just happen to be the only people left to socialize with these days! I also notice that I've been eating out a lot at Chinese restaurants not really because I crave the food, but more so because I crave the ambience. I actually like being shouted at by grumpy, old, Chinese ladies more than being served by young, soft-spoken, cleavage-revealing, French-speaking waitresses that will ask you if you want pepper on your steak instead of constanting trying to remove your plate before you've even finished your food. This can't be good.
5. To top it off, today I arrive at the lobby of my apartment building to find that I've stepped on some neauseatingly pungent, freshly defecated dog turd. What kind of sick fuck leaves his dog's do-do right in the middle of the carpet just in front of the god damned front door!?
God, this day totally sucks!
That actually almost literally happened to me when:
1. My book shelf cum computer desk fell on top of me last night, breaking a precious porcelain momento on the shelf that I've managed to keep intact for quite a while. Of course I accidentally step on the broken shards and cut my foot, leaving a nice little puddle of blood on the floor. The stains on the carpet probably aren't coming off anytime soon.
2. My gay best friend has more or less abandoned me on weekends to gay it up a notch in Geneva's rainbow haven. Well, he does usually invite me out together with his 'family' (as he likes to call it) to 'family' bars and clubs, which of course I tend to turn down. Somehow thronging the local gay bars watching guys kissing guys and girls kissing girls (which actually would not be so bad if the girls are hot but more often than not they aren't!) just really doesn't do much for me.
3. I realize that I don't have free access to the kitchen whenever I want to, so I'm cooking a lot less than I used to. Not being able to invite people over for meals is also quite a downer, since eating alone frankly blows.
4. I'm feeling kinda lost around these parts. I can't seem to click with the bunch of Americans at work so much, and they just happen to be the only people left to socialize with these days! I also notice that I've been eating out a lot at Chinese restaurants not really because I crave the food, but more so because I crave the ambience. I actually like being shouted at by grumpy, old, Chinese ladies more than being served by young, soft-spoken, cleavage-revealing, French-speaking waitresses that will ask you if you want pepper on your steak instead of constanting trying to remove your plate before you've even finished your food. This can't be good.
5. To top it off, today I arrive at the lobby of my apartment building to find that I've stepped on some neauseatingly pungent, freshly defecated dog turd. What kind of sick fuck leaves his dog's do-do right in the middle of the carpet just in front of the god damned front door!?
God, this day totally sucks!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Why can't people appreciate what they have?
People treat their hearts like water balloons.
They fill it up with love,
Then they tie the knot.
But for some inexplicable reason,
feel compelled to throw it all away,
leaving someone else completely drenched in their mess.
They fill it up with love,
Then they tie the knot.
But for some inexplicable reason,
feel compelled to throw it all away,
leaving someone else completely drenched in their mess.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Twice burned, yet I still eat 'em...
Even though you can't taste anything on your tongue for days after polishing off an entire packet, it's still worth it. Wasabi chips - the snack food for masochists.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
To be a cook...
I guess one of the prouder and happier memories from last year was helping to cook for a hundred fifty guests at someone's wedding banquet.
I barely knew the bride, having helped out during her local all-women's theatre group production. A couple of days before her wedding, she sent out a distress email to her vagina monologue-ing sisters and me asking for help. Apparently her friends who were supposed to help out for the wedding had copped out on her and she was desperate. Hearing the call for help to either cook or serve at a wedding banquet drew me like a moth to a flame.
I was supposed to be part of the waiting team at first, but once I arrived at the forest lodge where the wedding was held (after riding my bike through some rough, muddy Dutch country terrain in the middle of the woods), I quickly got acquainted with the three cooks and got to work slicing radishes for the mis en place.
Only Reinard, the executive chef for the night was an actual professional. The rest of the team were made of amateurs who were friends of the groom but had some group cooking experiences at local fundraisers or university events.
I managed to help out mostly with the prep work, like cutting vegetables and arranging slices of venison carpaccio on plates that were to be the starter for the evening.
Since I told Reinard I once worked in a catering place while I was studying in Toronto, he put me to work as fry cook. So I got to dunk cheese-stuffed pimentos dipped in tempura batter into hot oil for one of the components of the hor de'oeurve tray.
As the evening went on and dinner was about to start, everyone started to get into motion. Luckily, the menu wasn't too complicated. Much of the stuff was already half-prepared in advance so it wasn't too difficult to plate and send out. From my memory, it was:
Hor de'oeurve plate: spoonful of fettucine with parma ham in cream sauce, radish slices with cream cheese on crostini and those tempura cheese-filled pimentos.
Starter: Venison of carpaccio with pine nuts, croutons and some kinda mayonaise-base sauce. Cheese souffle was the vegetarian option.
Main course: Roast chicken with side of roasted vegetables, herbed roasted potatoes and risotto as sides.
Dessert: Champagne fruit salad with a quenelle of lemon sorbet.
The evening went surprisingly smoothly food-wise, considering we were mostly Jamie-Oliver-watching homecook types. The only small hiccup for the whole evening was some confusion in the dining room because some tables apparently didn't get any chicken, which thankfully was not our fault.
For dessert, Reinard also put me in charge of quenelling the sorbet onto the fruit salad, since I was the only one besides him who knew what a quenelle was and how to do it. Later the same evening he told me if I wanted, I could probably apply to work at restaurants since I seemed to have the right stuff. My proud little moment for the night.
So dinner eventually ended, and the cooks were asked to come out of the kitchen to receive the applause and gratitude of the wedding guests and newly-wedded couple. Everyone seemed really happy, and so was I and everyone else who had toiled for hours in the kitchen (starting at 2pm and finishing at 10).
The night continued on, and I got drunk on beer and palinka (a Hungarian plum brandy that the father of the bride brought over). I slept in one of the rooms of the lodge overnight. Woke up the next day, biked home in dreadful Dutch weather (it was raining), got home completely exhausted and promptly went back to bed for the rest of the day.
In the end the only reward I got from the couple was a cheap bottle of wine and a box of arugula left over from the night before. I don't think it was because they were cheap or ungrately, just kinda poor. They were decent people and did eventually invite us (me & the theatre troupe who were the servers) to dinner sometime later to thank us for our efforts.
Yet somehow knowing I helped make somebody's big day work out right that night was one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had in my life. And the fact that it was for someone whom I didn't even know very well made it all the more satisfying.
I guess that's one of the reasons I'm grateful I learned how to cook.
I barely knew the bride, having helped out during her local all-women's theatre group production. A couple of days before her wedding, she sent out a distress email to her vagina monologue-ing sisters and me asking for help. Apparently her friends who were supposed to help out for the wedding had copped out on her and she was desperate. Hearing the call for help to either cook or serve at a wedding banquet drew me like a moth to a flame.
I was supposed to be part of the waiting team at first, but once I arrived at the forest lodge where the wedding was held (after riding my bike through some rough, muddy Dutch country terrain in the middle of the woods), I quickly got acquainted with the three cooks and got to work slicing radishes for the mis en place.
Only Reinard, the executive chef for the night was an actual professional. The rest of the team were made of amateurs who were friends of the groom but had some group cooking experiences at local fundraisers or university events.
I managed to help out mostly with the prep work, like cutting vegetables and arranging slices of venison carpaccio on plates that were to be the starter for the evening.
Since I told Reinard I once worked in a catering place while I was studying in Toronto, he put me to work as fry cook. So I got to dunk cheese-stuffed pimentos dipped in tempura batter into hot oil for one of the components of the hor de'oeurve tray.
As the evening went on and dinner was about to start, everyone started to get into motion. Luckily, the menu wasn't too complicated. Much of the stuff was already half-prepared in advance so it wasn't too difficult to plate and send out. From my memory, it was:
Hor de'oeurve plate: spoonful of fettucine with parma ham in cream sauce, radish slices with cream cheese on crostini and those tempura cheese-filled pimentos.
Starter: Venison of carpaccio with pine nuts, croutons and some kinda mayonaise-base sauce. Cheese souffle was the vegetarian option.
Main course: Roast chicken with side of roasted vegetables, herbed roasted potatoes and risotto as sides.
Dessert: Champagne fruit salad with a quenelle of lemon sorbet.
The evening went surprisingly smoothly food-wise, considering we were mostly Jamie-Oliver-watching homecook types. The only small hiccup for the whole evening was some confusion in the dining room because some tables apparently didn't get any chicken, which thankfully was not our fault.
For dessert, Reinard also put me in charge of quenelling the sorbet onto the fruit salad, since I was the only one besides him who knew what a quenelle was and how to do it. Later the same evening he told me if I wanted, I could probably apply to work at restaurants since I seemed to have the right stuff. My proud little moment for the night.
So dinner eventually ended, and the cooks were asked to come out of the kitchen to receive the applause and gratitude of the wedding guests and newly-wedded couple. Everyone seemed really happy, and so was I and everyone else who had toiled for hours in the kitchen (starting at 2pm and finishing at 10).
The night continued on, and I got drunk on beer and palinka (a Hungarian plum brandy that the father of the bride brought over). I slept in one of the rooms of the lodge overnight. Woke up the next day, biked home in dreadful Dutch weather (it was raining), got home completely exhausted and promptly went back to bed for the rest of the day.
In the end the only reward I got from the couple was a cheap bottle of wine and a box of arugula left over from the night before. I don't think it was because they were cheap or ungrately, just kinda poor. They were decent people and did eventually invite us (me & the theatre troupe who were the servers) to dinner sometime later to thank us for our efforts.
Yet somehow knowing I helped make somebody's big day work out right that night was one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had in my life. And the fact that it was for someone whom I didn't even know very well made it all the more satisfying.
I guess that's one of the reasons I'm grateful I learned how to cook.
Friday, November 14, 2008
It's not going to be easy...
I know what I am doing might not amount to anything in the end, but at the very least I have to try. I have to believe in what I can try to achieve. In spite of the potential pitfalls and complications, the fact that not everyone will be willing to go as far I am, in the end you know if you put your heart in it, you will not regret it either way. So I have to try.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Choices...
At times,
We relinquish happiness,
to embrace hardship,
For the sake of those,
who cannot choose either,
but have to suffer one.
Yet at times,
we relinquish hardship,
to embrace happiness,
For the sake of those,
who can choose either,
but want to suffer none.
Why aren't there times,
where we can choose neither,
and suffer both,
Relinquish nothing,
to embrace happiness and hardship,
as if they were the same thing?
We relinquish happiness,
to embrace hardship,
For the sake of those,
who cannot choose either,
but have to suffer one.
Yet at times,
we relinquish hardship,
to embrace happiness,
For the sake of those,
who can choose either,
but want to suffer none.
Why aren't there times,
where we can choose neither,
and suffer both,
Relinquish nothing,
to embrace happiness and hardship,
as if they were the same thing?
Good people are being lost to Youtube...
While talking to a friend, I just made a realization about Youtube.
Youtube, while being a creative outlet for countless of young (and now also older) people in the world, it is essentially preventing creativity from flowing out into the real world (i.e. the physical, not-make-believe internet world).
Youtube is like a blackhole, where creativity is being sucked in and lost forever. It is essentially trivializing creativity, since whatever creativity channeled into Youtube is to a certain extent worthless since there is no clear tangible product of that creativity apart from a short video clip.
All the bright, creative, young minds out there who might have interesting ideas are wasting their time making videos on Youtube, when they could have been spending their time chanelling their creative thoughts and ideas into whatever field they would've tried to enter and excel at were it not so easy for them to just channel their creativity into Youtube.
I think this would actually make for pretty interesting social/media research.
Or at least I think so. And I sound like an old person writing this...
Youtube, while being a creative outlet for countless of young (and now also older) people in the world, it is essentially preventing creativity from flowing out into the real world (i.e. the physical, not-make-believe internet world).
Youtube is like a blackhole, where creativity is being sucked in and lost forever. It is essentially trivializing creativity, since whatever creativity channeled into Youtube is to a certain extent worthless since there is no clear tangible product of that creativity apart from a short video clip.
All the bright, creative, young minds out there who might have interesting ideas are wasting their time making videos on Youtube, when they could have been spending their time chanelling their creative thoughts and ideas into whatever field they would've tried to enter and excel at were it not so easy for them to just channel their creativity into Youtube.
I think this would actually make for pretty interesting social/media research.
Or at least I think so. And I sound like an old person writing this...
I miss cooking for people...
Solo dinners,
Make me thinner.
Wish I could share,
My humble fare.
With another,
A person other,
Than the one,
whose reflection stares.
Make me thinner.
Wish I could share,
My humble fare.
With another,
A person other,
Than the one,
whose reflection stares.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Krispy Kremes are good to eat, but bad for our culture...
Since I'm feeling ranty, do you realize how many people back home in Malaysia rave about Krispy Kreme donuts?
I guess it's mostly because it's not readily available in Malaysia, so when you do get to eat one it's because you've travelled to some far away land to have it. Mostly in its birthland of the US of A, but anywhere else where there is a store will do too.
When you've finally had one of those nice and sugary, heart-stopping, yeasted doughy treats somewhere in the world, you're obliged to tell the folks back home that, "It's the most amazing thing ever!"
Your friends can only look upon you with envy because you tried something they haven't, and they can't just go running down to the shop around the corner to get one as well.
As much as you've grown up liking those deep-fried-caster-sugar-coated donuts from the kuih seller at the pasar malam (which picture of is used on the outside of the box of almost every brand of deep fryer sold), they just aren't Krispy Kremes!
Subsequently the next person in your circle of friends who is going anywhere outside the country will be looking for Krispy Kreme donuts as if it was the holy grail. Nevermind all the stuff you can go do, watch, eat, and listen to to try to learn about another culture. "As long as I've had a bite of Krispy Kreme, I've seen the world!"
And then the vicious cycle continues with the next person and the next, and the next...
It is beyond ironic that a DONUT is a symbol of affluence in my country. I have to say it's quite sad, and seems to hint at the underlying socio-economic problems that we have.
The day when Krispy Kreme finally arrives in Malaysia, it will actually be a really good thing for our country. Because once it's readily available, nobody's going to seek it out anymore.
Maybe that's the real reason why they haven't set up shops in Malaysia.
*addendum* case in point: the perfect example, need I say more?
I guess it's mostly because it's not readily available in Malaysia, so when you do get to eat one it's because you've travelled to some far away land to have it. Mostly in its birthland of the US of A, but anywhere else where there is a store will do too.
When you've finally had one of those nice and sugary, heart-stopping, yeasted doughy treats somewhere in the world, you're obliged to tell the folks back home that, "It's the most amazing thing ever!"
Your friends can only look upon you with envy because you tried something they haven't, and they can't just go running down to the shop around the corner to get one as well.
As much as you've grown up liking those deep-fried-caster-sugar-coated donuts from the kuih seller at the pasar malam (which picture of is used on the outside of the box of almost every brand of deep fryer sold), they just aren't Krispy Kremes!
Subsequently the next person in your circle of friends who is going anywhere outside the country will be looking for Krispy Kreme donuts as if it was the holy grail. Nevermind all the stuff you can go do, watch, eat, and listen to to try to learn about another culture. "As long as I've had a bite of Krispy Kreme, I've seen the world!"
And then the vicious cycle continues with the next person and the next, and the next...
It is beyond ironic that a DONUT is a symbol of affluence in my country. I have to say it's quite sad, and seems to hint at the underlying socio-economic problems that we have.
The day when Krispy Kreme finally arrives in Malaysia, it will actually be a really good thing for our country. Because once it's readily available, nobody's going to seek it out anymore.
Maybe that's the real reason why they haven't set up shops in Malaysia.
*addendum* case in point: the perfect example, need I say more?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
If pigs could fly...
"It is possible for anyone from a minority group to be a nation’s leader, even in Malaysia, says Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi.
“It is up to the people to decide, just as the Americans had done through the democratic process,” he said while extending his congratulations to Senator Barack Obama."
I wonder how he even keeps a straight face saying that.
“It is up to the people to decide, just as the Americans had done through the democratic process,” he said while extending his congratulations to Senator Barack Obama."
I wonder how he even keeps a straight face saying that.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Democracy makes me want to throw up...
I just have to say it, people who wear "I voted" buttons make me sick.
Somehow they think they've brought salvation to humankind just because they scribble on a piece of paper and then pat themselves on the back for a job well done. When in fact, most of them would not lift another finger to really put in a personal effort to go that one step further to help someone else.
You can "yes we can" all you want, "we want change!" all you want, but when it comes to sacrificing one's own comforts for another, it just doesn't happen very much.
Nobody said it better than that bald old Indian guy when he said, "be the change you want to see."
And not just sit on your asses watching CNN hoping that change will come to you because you asked someone else to pick up the slack with your lousy ballot, and ask him to solve the mess you helped create. Credit card debt and what not was not forced upon by big bad credit card companies alone.
Someone actually has to spend that money that never existed in the first place.
Somehow they think they've brought salvation to humankind just because they scribble on a piece of paper and then pat themselves on the back for a job well done. When in fact, most of them would not lift another finger to really put in a personal effort to go that one step further to help someone else.
You can "yes we can" all you want, "we want change!" all you want, but when it comes to sacrificing one's own comforts for another, it just doesn't happen very much.
Nobody said it better than that bald old Indian guy when he said, "be the change you want to see."
And not just sit on your asses watching CNN hoping that change will come to you because you asked someone else to pick up the slack with your lousy ballot, and ask him to solve the mess you helped create. Credit card debt and what not was not forced upon by big bad credit card companies alone.
Someone actually has to spend that money that never existed in the first place.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The stuff you come up with while bored at work...
I wanted to have the roasted lamb at my best friend's wedding.
But it turned out they were out of it, so I had some nice beef steak.
After dinner we went to our rooms to check out the hotel bedding.
Jumping up and down the hotel bed, we finally caused it to break.
The hotel manager came up to tell us we would have to pay for it.
Since we had no money left on us, we ended up having to move out.
We walked on for hours, just trying to find a decent place to sit.
But I accidentally sat on a homeless guy and he let out a loud shout.
He wanted some form of compensation, he said I broke his leg.
I didn't know what else to do, so I let him run the show.
"Would you please pay the hooker down the street, I think her name is Meg.
Ask her to come right over here, and give me a nice blow."
So I talked to Meg, she said " Why not? As long as he doesnt have herpes."
She walked down to the homeless guy, and made the same sound as sipping slurpee.
But it turned out they were out of it, so I had some nice beef steak.
After dinner we went to our rooms to check out the hotel bedding.
Jumping up and down the hotel bed, we finally caused it to break.
The hotel manager came up to tell us we would have to pay for it.
Since we had no money left on us, we ended up having to move out.
We walked on for hours, just trying to find a decent place to sit.
But I accidentally sat on a homeless guy and he let out a loud shout.
He wanted some form of compensation, he said I broke his leg.
I didn't know what else to do, so I let him run the show.
"Would you please pay the hooker down the street, I think her name is Meg.
Ask her to come right over here, and give me a nice blow."
So I talked to Meg, she said " Why not? As long as he doesnt have herpes."
She walked down to the homeless guy, and made the same sound as sipping slurpee.
Vulgar poetry...
The shit hit the fan,
fell into the pan,
While frying the steak,
I cooked for my date.
We both had a bite,
it did not taste nice.
So we went on to bed,
Lust hunger was fed.
Hard as a stick,
The girl had a dick,
Oh shit! God damn!
The chick was a man!
fell into the pan,
While frying the steak,
I cooked for my date.
We both had a bite,
it did not taste nice.
So we went on to bed,
Lust hunger was fed.
Hard as a stick,
The girl had a dick,
Oh shit! God damn!
The chick was a man!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Fatigue...
It was just a matter of time before the engine continuously running at top speed on the very, very long straight finally showed signs of giving out. While the momentum might still carry you across the finish line, you wonder if you can manage to get out of the ailing car in time before the entire piece of machinery blows up in a glorious burst of flames.
If you succeed in doing so, you might yet get that trophy on the podium.
But while you may have won the race, you realize the championship's only just begun and you don't have a functioning car to compete for the rest of the season.
Maybe I shouldn't push too hard.
I'm really tired...
If you succeed in doing so, you might yet get that trophy on the podium.
But while you may have won the race, you realize the championship's only just begun and you don't have a functioning car to compete for the rest of the season.
Maybe I shouldn't push too hard.
I'm really tired...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Romance is not always the same as love...
Love at first sight?
Well, I reckon you need glasses.
Swept off your feet?
Well, I was mopping the floor.
Head over heels?
Well, I didn't mean to trip you.
You're the air that I breathe?
Well, I think I just farted.
Heart pounding faster?
Well, I told you to exercise.
Can't live without you?
Well, I hope you won't die then.
Miss you like crazy?
Well, I've always guessed you were nuts!
Darling, I love you?
Well, actually....
Me too.
Well, I reckon you need glasses.
Swept off your feet?
Well, I was mopping the floor.
Head over heels?
Well, I didn't mean to trip you.
You're the air that I breathe?
Well, I think I just farted.
Heart pounding faster?
Well, I told you to exercise.
Can't live without you?
Well, I hope you won't die then.
Miss you like crazy?
Well, I've always guessed you were nuts!
Darling, I love you?
Well, actually....
Me too.
Check, raise or fold?
Life's not easy, life is hard,
Life is like a game of cards.
Think you have the better hand?
Double your bet? well, you sure can!
When the flop finally comes out,
You'll find out this game's a rout.
Lost your money and your pride,
Leaves you naked, nowhere to hide.
Life is like a game of cards.
Think you have the better hand?
Double your bet? well, you sure can!
When the flop finally comes out,
You'll find out this game's a rout.
Lost your money and your pride,
Leaves you naked, nowhere to hide.
Recipe for a good picture (and the end to a weekend trip of trying to be poetic...)
One part heart and one part soul,
One part more that no one knows.
Trust your feelings and your senses,
Mix it up and pass through lenses.
Not of that which makes a sound - *click*
But that which tears flow when you frown.
And if all that just doesn't work,
My advice? You think it's quirk.
Delete the pictures you just took,
And just sit down and read this book!
One part more that no one knows.
Trust your feelings and your senses,
Mix it up and pass through lenses.
Not of that which makes a sound - *click*
But that which tears flow when you frown.
And if all that just doesn't work,
My advice? You think it's quirk.
Delete the pictures you just took,
And just sit down and read this book!
Trying to write a sonnet but not quite succeeding...
The forecast is gloomy,
The outlook looks bleak,
God set out to screw me,
He knew I was weak!
I could've succeeded,
But I was denied.
Advice I had heeded,
Turned out to be lies!
The spirit of kindness,
To love and to share,
Took advantage of blindness,
Hopes turned to despair!
So may I ask God, "What plan hath thou hatched?"
In order to get my poor lonely heart patched.
The outlook looks bleak,
God set out to screw me,
He knew I was weak!
I could've succeeded,
But I was denied.
Advice I had heeded,
Turned out to be lies!
The spirit of kindness,
To love and to share,
Took advantage of blindness,
Hopes turned to despair!
So may I ask God, "What plan hath thou hatched?"
In order to get my poor lonely heart patched.
Love is a funny feeling...
From whence it came, from whence it'll part,
Deep within the bowels of our hearts.
It makes its journey through our veins,
Bring joy ,sorrow, lust and pain.
Perhaps I'll find it yet sometime,
Maybe I'll finally make up my mind.
But then again I'm just afraid,
There won't be much left to be said.
Deep within the bowels of our hearts.
It makes its journey through our veins,
Bring joy ,sorrow, lust and pain.
Perhaps I'll find it yet sometime,
Maybe I'll finally make up my mind.
But then again I'm just afraid,
There won't be much left to be said.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
To friends, to friends, to friends everywhere!
Oh dear, how life is full of surprises,
As failure mounts, therein hope rises.
Praying for life to change for better,
Only to find more stormy weather.
The journey may seem a bumpy ride,
That eats your soul, and wounds your pride.
But on the way, you will find friends,
Who'll help you make it around the bend.
They'll lift you up, and help you out,
So when you're drowning, remember to shout!
For those that come in times of need,
You won't need to beg, you won't need to plead.
But when your life finally falls into place,
Forget not your friends, not a name nor a face.
For friends are what makes life's journey worthwhile,
When you're wrinkly old, or still just a child.
So to friends, to friends, to friends everywhere,
I'll cherish the moments and memories we've shared!
As failure mounts, therein hope rises.
Praying for life to change for better,
Only to find more stormy weather.
The journey may seem a bumpy ride,
That eats your soul, and wounds your pride.
But on the way, you will find friends,
Who'll help you make it around the bend.
They'll lift you up, and help you out,
So when you're drowning, remember to shout!
For those that come in times of need,
You won't need to beg, you won't need to plead.
But when your life finally falls into place,
Forget not your friends, not a name nor a face.
For friends are what makes life's journey worthwhile,
When you're wrinkly old, or still just a child.
So to friends, to friends, to friends everywhere,
I'll cherish the moments and memories we've shared!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Random contemplations...
Did Dutch women gain gender equity sooner because they could kick men in the groin with wooden shoes?
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I'm drunk, of course...
I have to admit that while the past few weeks have really been physically and mentally tiring, it's also been extremely good overall. I'm part of the team dealing with an issue that's much bigger than I am, and so far have done a good job on it (at least I hope so). Job satisfaction has been good, especially getting recognition from the big boss and some co-workers.
And I've met some great women over the past few weeks, though all unavailable so far. But it gives me hope that the kind of girls I like do exist and are not as rare I thought they would be.
And I've met some great women over the past few weeks, though all unavailable so far. But it gives me hope that the kind of girls I like do exist and are not as rare I thought they would be.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Copied lyrics sometimes speak what you want to say...
I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
But more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
But more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
No love, no glory...
There are times when you just can't figure life out.
You think you've met someone who is the right one and you know they share the same feeling but neither can act on it. And as quickly as the feeling comes, you know it will go away without ever getting resolved. Perhaps blown over with time, but deep in your heart you'll always ask the question,
what if?
You think you've met someone who is the right one and you know they share the same feeling but neither can act on it. And as quickly as the feeling comes, you know it will go away without ever getting resolved. Perhaps blown over with time, but deep in your heart you'll always ask the question,
what if?
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Note to self...
Sometimes in life we tend to forget those little important things about our lives that we shouldn't, so this entry serves as a self-reminder.
Even though I grew up with a national education system that was deteriorating year after year, my parents somehow managed to set me up on the right track despite of the fact. At times I may have complained that I didn't ever get the chance to try something I want to now when I was younger, but I think as parents they did the absolute best that they could. And somehow I just came to the realisation of that after dealing with something at work last night.
Without the sacrifice of my family, I would never have had the chance to make use of the opportunities I've come across thus far. I wouldn't be able to do what I'm pursuing in life today.
And so I can only say that I am very much humbled by it all, but more so feel greatly blessed for having the family that I have.
Even though I grew up with a national education system that was deteriorating year after year, my parents somehow managed to set me up on the right track despite of the fact. At times I may have complained that I didn't ever get the chance to try something I want to now when I was younger, but I think as parents they did the absolute best that they could. And somehow I just came to the realisation of that after dealing with something at work last night.
Without the sacrifice of my family, I would never have had the chance to make use of the opportunities I've come across thus far. I wouldn't be able to do what I'm pursuing in life today.
And so I can only say that I am very much humbled by it all, but more so feel greatly blessed for having the family that I have.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Beam me up!
I kinda feel like Wesley Crusher on the bridge of the Enterprise. I may be a non-commissioned junior crewmember, but to get to be in the thick of the action anyway, when it actually happens, that's just so unbelievably cool!
Lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it!
I just wish they'd pay me.
Engage!!!
Lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it!
I just wish they'd pay me.
Engage!!!
Monday, September 8, 2008
WHO are we helping?
"All of us joined the organization under the assumption that what we do saves lives. When we are prevented from doing that work, it is more than professional frustration or fear that our own performance will be judged negatively in a 'results based' system. We are concerned for the lives of people whom we affect, whether it is a staff member who is a single mother trying to make rent, or a small business dependent on a contract, or a person living with AIDS in Africa." - The Staff Association
Let's take the above quote and put it into perspective, shall we?
Apparently over here "saving lives" entails spending 'flexi' morning working hours doing power yoga, or changing out of gym gear before 5 p.m. after a sweaty workout at the office fitness centre. I'm sure the people in Africa with AIDS are thanking people over here for keeping themselves so fit because, well, at least somebody's healthy somewhere in the world.
Oh yeah, everyone here is really "concerned for the lives of people whom they affect", especially when they talk about it over multiple coffee breaks throughout the day (say, after a productive session of yoga). And, god forbid, we let those "small businesses dependent on a contract" suffer from not being able to supply the nice folks here with designer joe! Last time I checked, the stuff they sell here isn't even remotely fairtrade. The plus side of that of course is that I can afford to drink it. I feel good helping out those "small businesses". I'm sure they get lots out of this deal!
And I'm almost sure beyond a doubt that the "fear of being judged in the 'results based' system" they implement over here isn't the main motivating factor for productivity. Because if it were, there would *actually* be work done.
Excuse me, I think I need to wipe the puke off the keyboard after reading that load of self-righteous hypocrisy. It really stinks.
Let's take the above quote and put it into perspective, shall we?
Apparently over here "saving lives" entails spending 'flexi' morning working hours doing power yoga, or changing out of gym gear before 5 p.m. after a sweaty workout at the office fitness centre. I'm sure the people in Africa with AIDS are thanking people over here for keeping themselves so fit because, well, at least somebody's healthy somewhere in the world.
Oh yeah, everyone here is really "concerned for the lives of people whom they affect", especially when they talk about it over multiple coffee breaks throughout the day (say, after a productive session of yoga). And, god forbid, we let those "small businesses dependent on a contract" suffer from not being able to supply the nice folks here with designer joe! Last time I checked, the stuff they sell here isn't even remotely fairtrade. The plus side of that of course is that I can afford to drink it. I feel good helping out those "small businesses". I'm sure they get lots out of this deal!
And I'm almost sure beyond a doubt that the "fear of being judged in the 'results based' system" they implement over here isn't the main motivating factor for productivity. Because if it were, there would *actually* be work done.
Excuse me, I think I need to wipe the puke off the keyboard after reading that load of self-righteous hypocrisy. It really stinks.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Recommendations on how to kill yourself...
Painkillers,
And paint thinner,
Should be taken,
In place of dinner.
Hung by a noose,
Jumping off roofs,
In my opinion,
Take moments of truth.
Bullet through brain,
Get run over by train,
An artist's means,
To claim to fame.
Slitting your wrist,
Sleeping with fish,
I'm quite sure,
There's more on the list!
And paint thinner,
Should be taken,
In place of dinner.
Hung by a noose,
Jumping off roofs,
In my opinion,
Take moments of truth.
Bullet through brain,
Get run over by train,
An artist's means,
To claim to fame.
Slitting your wrist,
Sleeping with fish,
I'm quite sure,
There's more on the list!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I'm broke but I'm happy, I'm poor but I'm kind, I'm short but I'm healthy...yeah!
Geneva is a nice, picturesque little city. The only thing is that it is fucking expensive. It doesn't help that I've been going out with my fellow interns who all seem better able to afford things than I can. I mean they're great people, friendly, some of them quite down-to-earth even. But I realize if I go out as often as they do, to the places where they go, I'm going to be broke sooner or later.
The sobering reality that your pockets are pretty shallow around these parts make you think. Think about the people and organization I'm working for. Think about others from lesser socio-economic backgrounds who might want to come.
The truth is, if you can't afford the air ticket, the cramped yet pricey rented room, the spoilt-for-choice yet fairly expensive groceries for you day to day subsistence or your occassional excursions to the nearby bar for a session of networking (because face it, it's all about connections, connections, connections!), this place isn't for you. I barely even feel welcome.
A recent report by the organization claimed that a person's state of health was not only directly related to their level of income, but also due to other social, political and economic circumstances. Apparently this report took two years to come to said conclusion. Most people who are living those circumstances can probably tell what the problem is in an instant when they're lying on their beds shivering from a tropical disease for which they have no money to buy medicine for, or suffering from violent diarrhea and vomiting profusely because they don't have access to clean water and had to drink from the river where their neighbor pooped in upstream.
I know it sounds cliched, but this isn't exactly rocket science.
So the point about the organization is that the people who need to come here can never afford to. And often, the people who can come often don't need to. In the end, and I had the same impression even before I got here, it seems more like an exclusive, upper-class country club than a place that's supposed to help the poor with their health problems. I don't mean everyone inside is an arrogant, superficially self-righteous snob (some are genuinely committed to the cause) but I just can't help but feel it's all a big scam.
The sobering reality that your pockets are pretty shallow around these parts make you think. Think about the people and organization I'm working for. Think about others from lesser socio-economic backgrounds who might want to come.
The truth is, if you can't afford the air ticket, the cramped yet pricey rented room, the spoilt-for-choice yet fairly expensive groceries for you day to day subsistence or your occassional excursions to the nearby bar for a session of networking (because face it, it's all about connections, connections, connections!), this place isn't for you. I barely even feel welcome.
A recent report by the organization claimed that a person's state of health was not only directly related to their level of income, but also due to other social, political and economic circumstances. Apparently this report took two years to come to said conclusion. Most people who are living those circumstances can probably tell what the problem is in an instant when they're lying on their beds shivering from a tropical disease for which they have no money to buy medicine for, or suffering from violent diarrhea and vomiting profusely because they don't have access to clean water and had to drink from the river where their neighbor pooped in upstream.
I know it sounds cliched, but this isn't exactly rocket science.
So the point about the organization is that the people who need to come here can never afford to. And often, the people who can come often don't need to. In the end, and I had the same impression even before I got here, it seems more like an exclusive, upper-class country club than a place that's supposed to help the poor with their health problems. I don't mean everyone inside is an arrogant, superficially self-righteous snob (some are genuinely committed to the cause) but I just can't help but feel it's all a big scam.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Why?
I'm absolutely pissed at this point, but I just had to say that it's ironic that my motherland Chinese brethren treat me more as one of their own than the rest of my Malaysian brethren. Lin Dan may have beaten Lee Chong Wei, but I can't feel any animosity against the Chinese. I just can't. God damnit.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Wearing your emotions...
Love unrequitted,
Is like an ill-fitting T-shirt.
You know you can't wear it,
But you don't want to throw it away.
Is like an ill-fitting T-shirt.
You know you can't wear it,
But you don't want to throw it away.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Travelling...
I guess the reason why I like travelling is for that feeling where you don't know what to expect or what's going to happen next.
That's why I generally try to avoid the more popular destinations because everyone's been there, they've written about it and for some reason seem obliged to devulge every single little detail about a particular place. Just so anyone else who plans to go there will know exactly which bus, tram or train to take in, say [insert famous destination], before they've even gotten on the one back home to head off to the airport.
I find that it somehow dampens the charm and mystery that a place would otherwise provide were it not known by so many people. A bit paradoxical on my part perhaps.
It's for this same reason why I would like to stay longer in the truly great cities of the world - London, Paris, Vienna, just to name a few I've been to in Europe. Because if you stay only for a while, you can only see the things you're meant to see. Not the things you could see if you left your Fodor's or Lonely Planet behind and just walked around.
It's the most mundane things that people do in those cities - their daily commute, lunch at the neighbourhood diner, that give you a sense about what the city is all about. A city's soul is its people and without it there's nothing much except fabricated megaliths of monuments that don't really mean too much on its own.
I would love to go to Athens to see the Acropolis, but I would love more to see the people who built the city that surronds it.
That's why I generally try to avoid the more popular destinations because everyone's been there, they've written about it and for some reason seem obliged to devulge every single little detail about a particular place. Just so anyone else who plans to go there will know exactly which bus, tram or train to take in, say [insert famous destination], before they've even gotten on the one back home to head off to the airport.
I find that it somehow dampens the charm and mystery that a place would otherwise provide were it not known by so many people. A bit paradoxical on my part perhaps.
It's for this same reason why I would like to stay longer in the truly great cities of the world - London, Paris, Vienna, just to name a few I've been to in Europe. Because if you stay only for a while, you can only see the things you're meant to see. Not the things you could see if you left your Fodor's or Lonely Planet behind and just walked around.
It's the most mundane things that people do in those cities - their daily commute, lunch at the neighbourhood diner, that give you a sense about what the city is all about. A city's soul is its people and without it there's nothing much except fabricated megaliths of monuments that don't really mean too much on its own.
I would love to go to Athens to see the Acropolis, but I would love more to see the people who built the city that surronds it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The beautiful people isn't just a Marilyn Manson song...
I think people who are happy are beautiful although people who are sad can be beautiful too but I'd rather make someone happy so they're beautiful because then it'd make life so beautiful and then I'd feel beautiful since everything and everybody I know everywhere would be beautiful too.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Ovens...
I know it probably sounds weird to most people, but I always fall in love with the ovens I use.
My old oven in Toronto used to be an old electric coil oven. It was roomy and could easily accommodate two loaves at once. It could probably fit three if I had a stone with enough surface area. With time, the bread and baked goods that came out of it got better and better. Once, I took a few loaves of dough to bake at the Alan Scott built wood-fired oven at Dufferin Grove Park, and my friends were teasing me that I was cheating on my 'wife'. Such was my affinity to what other people would treat as just a piece of machinery.
The one I have right now is an old gas-fired one. Lighting it can be a real pain in the ass sometimes because you have to take off the floor of the oven to light the burner underneath. And sometimes the burner doesn't stay on after you lift your hand from the nozzle that controls the strength of the burner. It can take a while sometimes to get it started because of this. Some people on the corridor have already given up lighting it because they can't keep the burner on. But I always manage, so I'm asked to help sometimes.
Despite its shortcomings, it's a really great oven. Yes, there's a hot spot in the left-hand corner, but at least I know it's there and if a loaf of bread is not browning enough I know I can move the paler side towards the hot spot and then it browns nicely. I also always peel the loaf onto that side to get more oven spring and then shift it after a while to prevent it from getting burnt later. After some time, I know the exact routine I have to follow when baking with it.
It's been a really dependable, albeit sometimes flaky, old friend.
My old oven in Toronto used to be an old electric coil oven. It was roomy and could easily accommodate two loaves at once. It could probably fit three if I had a stone with enough surface area. With time, the bread and baked goods that came out of it got better and better. Once, I took a few loaves of dough to bake at the Alan Scott built wood-fired oven at Dufferin Grove Park, and my friends were teasing me that I was cheating on my 'wife'. Such was my affinity to what other people would treat as just a piece of machinery.
The one I have right now is an old gas-fired one. Lighting it can be a real pain in the ass sometimes because you have to take off the floor of the oven to light the burner underneath. And sometimes the burner doesn't stay on after you lift your hand from the nozzle that controls the strength of the burner. It can take a while sometimes to get it started because of this. Some people on the corridor have already given up lighting it because they can't keep the burner on. But I always manage, so I'm asked to help sometimes.
Despite its shortcomings, it's a really great oven. Yes, there's a hot spot in the left-hand corner, but at least I know it's there and if a loaf of bread is not browning enough I know I can move the paler side towards the hot spot and then it browns nicely. I also always peel the loaf onto that side to get more oven spring and then shift it after a while to prevent it from getting burnt later. After some time, I know the exact routine I have to follow when baking with it.
It's been a really dependable, albeit sometimes flaky, old friend.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Yes we can...
I'm not complaining, but merely having one of those "I'm feeling kinda lost" moments.
I'm going to a place I've always thought I'd never end up at in real life. It was always a fantasy of mine working for such an organization. A dream that you knew you'd wake up from knowing it was only a dream. So it wasn't exactly expected.
Yet there is this unsettling feeling that was right beneath the surface of the euphoria I was feeling over the past few days after knowing I would be heading there. And now it's come forward a little bit and has been occupying my thoughts.
The truth is, despite the fact that it's supposed to be really exciting to be embarking on yet another new journey to a really cool place, what I'd honestly prefer is to not go anywhere and know exactly where I'm going to be right now. Deep down I know I'd rather choose the same old boring mundaneness over the excitement of moving on towards new and exciting things.
For me, the road ahead hasn't really been paved yet. Well, maybe just the next few hundred meters. But the constant change of scenery makes you yearn for something familiar. Something, somewhere or someone to anchor a part of you to your own existence so that you can let yourself know, "this is where I belong!"
Not having that stability really makes your stomach churn, your head feel kinda dizzy and your knees a bit weak.
Sometimes it feels like you're swimming downstream in a river not knowing how much longer the journey will take. You also keep wondering if you're really swimming by your own will or just being guided by the currents without any say about which direction you're heading.
Hopefully someday soon I will get out of the water and find myself on solid ground that I won't mind walking barefeet on.
Until then, I should at least try to embrace the change that has either been willed upon me or that I have somehow engineered upon myself.
Yes we can. But do we really want to sometimes?
p.s. On a side note, I guess that's why I like baking bread. No matter where I am I can always find flour, water, salt and microbes to make it. And even if the bread may taste a little bit different everywhere I go depending on the local microflora, it will still, well, taste like bread. And making it is always the exact same process with few variations if any. It's also completely simple and uncomplicated once you know how to make it.
Wow, baking bread is what keeps me sane. What a revelation.
A loaf of whole wheat,
A loaf of rye,
Enough to eat,
Until I die.
I'm going to a place I've always thought I'd never end up at in real life. It was always a fantasy of mine working for such an organization. A dream that you knew you'd wake up from knowing it was only a dream. So it wasn't exactly expected.
Yet there is this unsettling feeling that was right beneath the surface of the euphoria I was feeling over the past few days after knowing I would be heading there. And now it's come forward a little bit and has been occupying my thoughts.
The truth is, despite the fact that it's supposed to be really exciting to be embarking on yet another new journey to a really cool place, what I'd honestly prefer is to not go anywhere and know exactly where I'm going to be right now. Deep down I know I'd rather choose the same old boring mundaneness over the excitement of moving on towards new and exciting things.
For me, the road ahead hasn't really been paved yet. Well, maybe just the next few hundred meters. But the constant change of scenery makes you yearn for something familiar. Something, somewhere or someone to anchor a part of you to your own existence so that you can let yourself know, "this is where I belong!"
Not having that stability really makes your stomach churn, your head feel kinda dizzy and your knees a bit weak.
Sometimes it feels like you're swimming downstream in a river not knowing how much longer the journey will take. You also keep wondering if you're really swimming by your own will or just being guided by the currents without any say about which direction you're heading.
Hopefully someday soon I will get out of the water and find myself on solid ground that I won't mind walking barefeet on.
Until then, I should at least try to embrace the change that has either been willed upon me or that I have somehow engineered upon myself.
Yes we can. But do we really want to sometimes?
p.s. On a side note, I guess that's why I like baking bread. No matter where I am I can always find flour, water, salt and microbes to make it. And even if the bread may taste a little bit different everywhere I go depending on the local microflora, it will still, well, taste like bread. And making it is always the exact same process with few variations if any. It's also completely simple and uncomplicated once you know how to make it.
Wow, baking bread is what keeps me sane. What a revelation.
A loaf of whole wheat,
A loaf of rye,
Enough to eat,
Until I die.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A quote...
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
WHO yeah!
My heart is pounding,
I can't get to sleep!
It's simply astounding,
I'm head over feet!
Fell right into place,
I just can't believe it!
A smile on my face,
The sky is the limit!
Often I yearned,
I hoped I'd deserve.
So I'll try best to learn,
to help and to serve!
Whatever comes next,
At least I will know,
I'll be doing my best,
To repay those I owe.
To family and friends,
To those who stood by,
Right until the end,
With nary a sigh!
But the journey's not over,
It's really just begun!
Though I'll try to stay sober,
And have lots of fun!
I can't get to sleep!
It's simply astounding,
I'm head over feet!
Fell right into place,
I just can't believe it!
A smile on my face,
The sky is the limit!
Often I yearned,
I hoped I'd deserve.
So I'll try best to learn,
to help and to serve!
Whatever comes next,
At least I will know,
I'll be doing my best,
To repay those I owe.
To family and friends,
To those who stood by,
Right until the end,
With nary a sigh!
But the journey's not over,
It's really just begun!
Though I'll try to stay sober,
And have lots of fun!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Rebranding exercises...
Samy Vellu sees change in mindset,
but only change that he sees when his mind is set,
To make sure no change is seen when the sun sets,
On the party he minds through changes he sets.
but only change that he sees when his mind is set,
To make sure no change is seen when the sun sets,
On the party he minds through changes he sets.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
300?
To battle to battle,
To battle we go,
We'll sharpen our swords,
To smite all our foes!
To battle to battle,
to battle we march,
Defending our country,
Our city we guard!
To battle to battle,
to battle we charge,
Our army is tiny,
But our hearts, they are large!
To battle to battle,
To battle we ride,
And return home victorious,
With honour and pride!
To battle we go,
We'll sharpen our swords,
To smite all our foes!
To battle to battle,
to battle we march,
Defending our country,
Our city we guard!
To battle to battle,
to battle we charge,
Our army is tiny,
But our hearts, they are large!
To battle to battle,
To battle we ride,
And return home victorious,
With honour and pride!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Pakcik...
When I was working, everyday I used to have to cross this pedestrian bridge after getting out from the LRT station to get to my workplace. Sometimes, there would an old Malay man sitting in the middle of that bridge begging for money.
So I gave him some money everytime I saw him. He wasn't always there, so it wasn't exactly going to bankrupt me. After all, I hardly went out much back then so I didn't have much use for the money in a sense.
The first few times it was out of sympathy. I wondered if he had any children who had abandoned him. I was sure there was an interesting (although probably sad) life story he could tell me that had led him to where he was now. Now that I think of it, maybe I should have asked?
After a while though, I realized I started to do it for another reason as well. You see, my life at that point wasn't exactly going the way I was hoping it would. Once in a while, there would be days that I felt like it was going to be a bad day even before the day really began.
So on somedays when I was feeling that way, I was hoping the old man would be there so I could give him some money. It was almost like a way of paying for good karma so that my day would go well.
I guess looking back it was a pretty weird thing to do.
I don't know why I suddenly thought of the old man today after so long.
I really wonder how he's doing now.
So I gave him some money everytime I saw him. He wasn't always there, so it wasn't exactly going to bankrupt me. After all, I hardly went out much back then so I didn't have much use for the money in a sense.
The first few times it was out of sympathy. I wondered if he had any children who had abandoned him. I was sure there was an interesting (although probably sad) life story he could tell me that had led him to where he was now. Now that I think of it, maybe I should have asked?
After a while though, I realized I started to do it for another reason as well. You see, my life at that point wasn't exactly going the way I was hoping it would. Once in a while, there would be days that I felt like it was going to be a bad day even before the day really began.
So on somedays when I was feeling that way, I was hoping the old man would be there so I could give him some money. It was almost like a way of paying for good karma so that my day would go well.
I guess looking back it was a pretty weird thing to do.
I don't know why I suddenly thought of the old man today after so long.
I really wonder how he's doing now.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Reciprocity
I'm paying it forward by crashing an (almost) stranger's wedding.
THAT IS JUST SO UNBELIEVABLY COOL!!!
THAT IS JUST SO UNBELIEVABLY COOL!!!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Magazines...
When you visit a doctor's or dentist's office, they always have these piles of magazines for you to read while waiting. Usually it caters to a particular interest, more often than not, categorized based on gender. For women, you have your gossip and fasion mags like Cosmo, Elle or Women's Weeky. For men, there are a variety of motor magazines to choose from and maybe a few on fishing.
All in all, it's a nice selection of reading material. The only problem is that the latest issue of any magazine that you can find there is probably at least a year old.
The odd thing is, we don't generally mind that they are outdated. I don't think it's just because it's the only thing available to read (although it's probably one reason). Because there are other ways to get around that problem, i.e. bringing a book, going down to the Indian-run newstand next door to pick up the newspapers/a tabloid/new issue of similar publication found upstairs.
My point is that we read them because we are genuinely interested in those magazines. We don't really get bored with them despite their lack of practical usefulness. We do, however, get bored from waiting for our turn.
So of course the ultimately objective of being in the waiting room in the first place is to see your doctor/dentist. The magazines may be interesting, but the sooner you get probed and touched by the white jacket-wearing healthcare professional, the sooner you can get on with your life.
After you're done and leave, you may remember that you liked a particular publication you came across back there and decide to subscribe to it. Maybe keep reading it for a couple of years, maybe more.
Now think of those magazines as the interests/hobbies you pick up while waiting for your life partner to show up.
I read a lot of magazines, but I'm still waiting for my turn.
All in all, it's a nice selection of reading material. The only problem is that the latest issue of any magazine that you can find there is probably at least a year old.
The odd thing is, we don't generally mind that they are outdated. I don't think it's just because it's the only thing available to read (although it's probably one reason). Because there are other ways to get around that problem, i.e. bringing a book, going down to the Indian-run newstand next door to pick up the newspapers/a tabloid/new issue of similar publication found upstairs.
My point is that we read them because we are genuinely interested in those magazines. We don't really get bored with them despite their lack of practical usefulness. We do, however, get bored from waiting for our turn.
So of course the ultimately objective of being in the waiting room in the first place is to see your doctor/dentist. The magazines may be interesting, but the sooner you get probed and touched by the white jacket-wearing healthcare professional, the sooner you can get on with your life.
After you're done and leave, you may remember that you liked a particular publication you came across back there and decide to subscribe to it. Maybe keep reading it for a couple of years, maybe more.
Now think of those magazines as the interests/hobbies you pick up while waiting for your life partner to show up.
I read a lot of magazines, but I'm still waiting for my turn.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
That thing which girls do with their hair...
Fingers swirling golden locks,
Eyes they wander,
Heart it stops.
Eyes they wander,
Heart it stops.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
A Lonely Planet guide for the heart...
We travel, we move,
We get on our way.
We walk on in silence,
With nothing to say.
Those lonesome sojourns,
Through places we pass,
We may fall in love,
But it's not meant to last.
I wonder if someone,
Will pull me aside,
"Wait for me, stranger!
I'll join on your ride."
Then we'll travel, we'll move,
We'll get on our way.
We'll walk on together,
With joy every day!
We get on our way.
We walk on in silence,
With nothing to say.
Those lonesome sojourns,
Through places we pass,
We may fall in love,
But it's not meant to last.
I wonder if someone,
Will pull me aside,
"Wait for me, stranger!
I'll join on your ride."
Then we'll travel, we'll move,
We'll get on our way.
We'll walk on together,
With joy every day!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Reminiscence
You never forget the ones you love,
Only the ones you hate.
Fond memories locked in a treasure trove,
The key of which is fate.
Only the ones you hate.
Fond memories locked in a treasure trove,
The key of which is fate.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Discrimination
I was discriminated in a foreign country not by foreigners but by my own people. That is fucked up on so many levels.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Idealism
There are times when idealism may kill off the very thing that idealistic individuals have worked so hard to achieve.
The fact remains that while some may have voted for a Malaysian Malaysia last weekend, many others may have merely voted against the status quo without ever having that thought cross their minds. Many of us are too quick to think that just because the apparent results happen to have agreed with our ideologies, it prooves that our ideologies have actually taken hold. We become too blind to see what lies directly ahead, but instead look so far ahead into the horizon that we run the risk of falling into the snake-filled pit in front.
We're not quite ready for change which is too drastic. As much as many herald the dawn of a new era and propose a shift in paradigm, perhaps we've all been a tad too unrealistic about it. We call for reform from the upper echelons of government to right a system that they themselves have put in place, yet take no heed in doing anything on our own. All we ever tell ourselve is to vote. Voting is merely one of the many things we can do to help yet we think by just voting we can save the world. We think that by watering a seed once and seeing it sprout, it will grow into a tree all by itself.
Apathy may kill. But half-assed armchair activism kills faster.
The fact remains that while some may have voted for a Malaysian Malaysia last weekend, many others may have merely voted against the status quo without ever having that thought cross their minds. Many of us are too quick to think that just because the apparent results happen to have agreed with our ideologies, it prooves that our ideologies have actually taken hold. We become too blind to see what lies directly ahead, but instead look so far ahead into the horizon that we run the risk of falling into the snake-filled pit in front.
We're not quite ready for change which is too drastic. As much as many herald the dawn of a new era and propose a shift in paradigm, perhaps we've all been a tad too unrealistic about it. We call for reform from the upper echelons of government to right a system that they themselves have put in place, yet take no heed in doing anything on our own. All we ever tell ourselve is to vote. Voting is merely one of the many things we can do to help yet we think by just voting we can save the world. We think that by watering a seed once and seeing it sprout, it will grow into a tree all by itself.
Apathy may kill. But half-assed armchair activism kills faster.
Monday, March 10, 2008
The future
In a lot of ways, the events of the past few days in Malaysia have affected me on a far greater personal level than I could have ever imagined. Yes, as much as I felt the jubilation alongside my fellow Malaysians that we are finally seeing the silver lining for true democracy from the results of the March 8th elections, I also felt something else that while giving me reason to be optimistic, also complicates the decisions I have to make in the future.
I left Malaysia to pursue my graduate studies for a large part to find a better future outside of it. After going back to Malaysia last year, a proud holder of a BSc in Life Sciences from one of the world's most renowned universities, I was quickly humbled by the fact that in Malaysia that meant very little. I was part of the cadre of students who had hoped to pursue a career in the biological sciences after knowing about our government's plans to develop the bio-science industry with the proposal of the Biovalley back in 2003. Much to the chagrin of my peers and I, the initial Biovalley development collapsed in 2005. This was infamously announced to the world no less with such great fanfare, in the peer-reviewed science journal Nature (Original article here) that outlined, in detail, the reasons why it had failed so miserably.
Looking at what was available for fresh graduates in the science industry, I would have either had to put up with long hours for a meagre salary (which is far below what a fresh degree holder in other sector earns) or resort to doing pharmaceutical sales (which due to the sexist nature of our society tends to favour attractive young women for such careers). Hence, with the job prospects in the industry less than satisfactory, I managed to find work at a local financial institution as a credit processing officer. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I tried to be optimistic and told myself there could be a lot I could learn from doing such work.
Yet, after some time, I realized I didn't like the job I was doing because my heart was always settled on doing a career in science. I loved being in a lab tinkling with micropipettes and bacteria or mould-covered petri dishes heck of a lot more than I did being stuck in an office looking at people's financial records and constantly having to apologize to customers on the phone on behalf of my boss' incompetence. So at some point I thought, enough is enough. I applied for graduate school and promptly quit my job the day I received news that I got admitted.
First off, I should say I come from a typical middle-class Malaysian family. My father has a respectable job which pays for our comfortable house, family car and all of the bills among other things. It also paid for both me and my brother's undergraduate education in Canada and Australia respectively. Yet, my parents sacrificied a great deal for us to go overseas. My dad still has to work past his retirement age in a job that requires him to travel between our home in the Klang Valley to other states in Malaysia, sometimes on a daily basis. My mother on the other hand, has given up the prospect of ever owning many of the smaller things in life that she desires and spends a great deal of time and effort looking out for our family's welfare at home.
As much as I was happy I could leave again to get my career path back on track, I did feel bad because I knew my father and elder brother (who has only just started his own career) would have to bear the burden of helping to pay for it. My choice in destination and area of study made it somewhat difficult to find scholarships to support my personal venture. I suppose I could have tried to apply for a scholarship from a local university but then it would have required me to be bonded and return to teach, which under the circumstances wasn't a very desirable prospect. So I went anyway with my family's blessing, even though they wouldn't be seeing a return on 'investment' any time soon.
So what happened on March 8th has not only turned the Barisan's or oppostion's world upside down, but it has also turned my world upside down. Should I continue my pursuit for a better future overseas, or should I entertain the prospect of one day returning home?
I could probably still live a much more comfortable life as an immigrant in a developed Western country. But then it would be difficult to be with and care for my family who has worked so hard for my sake. The thought of having my parents relocate and adapt to a foreign country at such an elderly age didn't seem fair either. As much as I can subscribe to the Western idea of individual rights (which in many instances is just an unwarranted sense of entitlement), I still fervently subscribe to our traditional Asian values of filial piety and the importance of the family unit.
On the other hand, how does one start making future plans to return when there is only the beginning of a new hope, as nothing is quite certain just yet what the future may be. Even if I did intend to come home, I wouldn't be back immediately after graduation since that wouldn't be a very logical thing to do. But being away too long, however, essentially makes it more difficult for me to come back. Factor in the variable that my parents aren't getting any younger and, my god! What a motherload to think about!
So as much as I hope for a brighter future for Malaysia, I realize that the path we have gone down also brings a sense of uncertainty to many. Hence, we have to try to work together, as politicians or rakyat, students or the worforce, youths or adults to do our part to ensure that the ship that has been severely off course is finally righted.
Learning to vote for change was only the first step, now we all have to take a few steps more
I left Malaysia to pursue my graduate studies for a large part to find a better future outside of it. After going back to Malaysia last year, a proud holder of a BSc in Life Sciences from one of the world's most renowned universities, I was quickly humbled by the fact that in Malaysia that meant very little. I was part of the cadre of students who had hoped to pursue a career in the biological sciences after knowing about our government's plans to develop the bio-science industry with the proposal of the Biovalley back in 2003. Much to the chagrin of my peers and I, the initial Biovalley development collapsed in 2005. This was infamously announced to the world no less with such great fanfare, in the peer-reviewed science journal Nature (Original article here) that outlined, in detail, the reasons why it had failed so miserably.
Looking at what was available for fresh graduates in the science industry, I would have either had to put up with long hours for a meagre salary (which is far below what a fresh degree holder in other sector earns) or resort to doing pharmaceutical sales (which due to the sexist nature of our society tends to favour attractive young women for such careers). Hence, with the job prospects in the industry less than satisfactory, I managed to find work at a local financial institution as a credit processing officer. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I tried to be optimistic and told myself there could be a lot I could learn from doing such work.
Yet, after some time, I realized I didn't like the job I was doing because my heart was always settled on doing a career in science. I loved being in a lab tinkling with micropipettes and bacteria or mould-covered petri dishes heck of a lot more than I did being stuck in an office looking at people's financial records and constantly having to apologize to customers on the phone on behalf of my boss' incompetence. So at some point I thought, enough is enough. I applied for graduate school and promptly quit my job the day I received news that I got admitted.
First off, I should say I come from a typical middle-class Malaysian family. My father has a respectable job which pays for our comfortable house, family car and all of the bills among other things. It also paid for both me and my brother's undergraduate education in Canada and Australia respectively. Yet, my parents sacrificied a great deal for us to go overseas. My dad still has to work past his retirement age in a job that requires him to travel between our home in the Klang Valley to other states in Malaysia, sometimes on a daily basis. My mother on the other hand, has given up the prospect of ever owning many of the smaller things in life that she desires and spends a great deal of time and effort looking out for our family's welfare at home.
As much as I was happy I could leave again to get my career path back on track, I did feel bad because I knew my father and elder brother (who has only just started his own career) would have to bear the burden of helping to pay for it. My choice in destination and area of study made it somewhat difficult to find scholarships to support my personal venture. I suppose I could have tried to apply for a scholarship from a local university but then it would have required me to be bonded and return to teach, which under the circumstances wasn't a very desirable prospect. So I went anyway with my family's blessing, even though they wouldn't be seeing a return on 'investment' any time soon.
So what happened on March 8th has not only turned the Barisan's or oppostion's world upside down, but it has also turned my world upside down. Should I continue my pursuit for a better future overseas, or should I entertain the prospect of one day returning home?
I could probably still live a much more comfortable life as an immigrant in a developed Western country. But then it would be difficult to be with and care for my family who has worked so hard for my sake. The thought of having my parents relocate and adapt to a foreign country at such an elderly age didn't seem fair either. As much as I can subscribe to the Western idea of individual rights (which in many instances is just an unwarranted sense of entitlement), I still fervently subscribe to our traditional Asian values of filial piety and the importance of the family unit.
On the other hand, how does one start making future plans to return when there is only the beginning of a new hope, as nothing is quite certain just yet what the future may be. Even if I did intend to come home, I wouldn't be back immediately after graduation since that wouldn't be a very logical thing to do. But being away too long, however, essentially makes it more difficult for me to come back. Factor in the variable that my parents aren't getting any younger and, my god! What a motherload to think about!
So as much as I hope for a brighter future for Malaysia, I realize that the path we have gone down also brings a sense of uncertainty to many. Hence, we have to try to work together, as politicians or rakyat, students or the worforce, youths or adults to do our part to ensure that the ship that has been severely off course is finally righted.
Learning to vote for change was only the first step, now we all have to take a few steps more
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Malaysia
Never have I felt the urge to be with you as bad as I do now. And hopefully, one day I'll be back where I belong.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Humbled
I think I'm getting humbled far too often that it's becoming almost routine. Quite frankly the feeling kinda sucks.
It's like scaling the tip of an iceberg only for it to melt right under your feet because of global warming. You don't even notice it. And then you're still left frigidly cold because, well, you're somewhere in the middle of the North Pole and there's not a soul within a hundred miles to provide some cheerful warmth.
It's like scaling the tip of an iceberg only for it to melt right under your feet because of global warming. You don't even notice it. And then you're still left frigidly cold because, well, you're somewhere in the middle of the North Pole and there's not a soul within a hundred miles to provide some cheerful warmth.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Suddenly it occured to me that freud could never have understood psychology if he wasnt ondurgs. Serisouly, I think that was thereason he became a psychoanalyst because for once he could understand how it felt to get high and connect with your emotions like you have never connected with it before. It's the commanding actions taht make yuour bpdy mve involiuntarily.But thoughts that didnt really go anywhere, and just stood as it is on its own would not make your body move. It's defferent parts of f the brain that you are using. it's amazing to discover this. but the discovrry could only be made if u werre high.it's like being possessed.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Crap!
Stressing out ain't hard to do,
But don't let stress be the death of you.
Learn from a chimp, go fling your poo,
Then step on the shit with your clean gym shoes!
Maybe you'd like to pull your hair,
Chew on your nails, frankly I dont care!
Just don't complain about how life's not fair,
Because if it was, what's left to share?
Ups and downs are just part of life,
Move on forward! Get past the strife!
Earn tons of money, then find a wife,
Not soon after, it'll all go to shite!
But don't let stress be the death of you.
Learn from a chimp, go fling your poo,
Then step on the shit with your clean gym shoes!
Maybe you'd like to pull your hair,
Chew on your nails, frankly I dont care!
Just don't complain about how life's not fair,
Because if it was, what's left to share?
Ups and downs are just part of life,
Move on forward! Get past the strife!
Earn tons of money, then find a wife,
Not soon after, it'll all go to shite!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Rejection
Not a look,
Not a glance,
Nor a head turned happenstance.
Not a word,
Nothing spoken,
Nor a promise to be broken.
No farewell,
No goodbye,
Nor a forlorn silent sigh.
No more hurt,
No more pain,
No my love was all in vain.
Not deserving,
No reward,
No feelings returned toward.
No regrets,
No complaints,
No sense in feeling faint.
No desire,
No more thoughts,
Nothing left but be forgot.
Not a glance,
Nor a head turned happenstance.
Not a word,
Nothing spoken,
Nor a promise to be broken.
No farewell,
No goodbye,
Nor a forlorn silent sigh.
No more hurt,
No more pain,
No my love was all in vain.
Not deserving,
No reward,
No feelings returned toward.
No regrets,
No complaints,
No sense in feeling faint.
No desire,
No more thoughts,
Nothing left but be forgot.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Anonymous cookie dropping...
Have a cookie, maybe two,
So you won’t feel oh so blue!
Maybe the boyfriend’s out of town,
So you think you have to frown.
Don’t worry you’re not alone,
If you miss him pick up the phone.
As for those who have no one,
Valentine’s can still be fun.
Just as long as you remember,
You have friends who’ll love you tender.
So what I’m really trying to say,
Is, “HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!”
So you won’t feel oh so blue!
Maybe the boyfriend’s out of town,
So you think you have to frown.
Don’t worry you’re not alone,
If you miss him pick up the phone.
As for those who have no one,
Valentine’s can still be fun.
Just as long as you remember,
You have friends who’ll love you tender.
So what I’m really trying to say,
Is, “HAVE A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!”
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Trekking
Life doesn't make sense sometimes. There are just too many possibilites, too many variables, too many things to think about, too many unforseen circumstances. Perhaps in the end it may all work out by itself but at the moment that all of the uncertainties arrive in front of your feet, you feel slightly nauseated, aimless, lost and completely afraid of it all.
As hard as you try to find the path you're supposed to be walking, you end up finding out that there are so many branchings after you've hit the one you decided to follow. The temptation to stray is far greater than you can imagine. Every alternative path seems like it's the one that will lead Dorothy home, but in reality there's only one that actually does.
You may not always be walking on the right path at any particular instance, but somehow as long as you bring your inner compass, rest assured that one day you will reach your final destination. But if your inner compass gets broken, well, there's only so much a single human being can do about it. But for now...
Look ahead. Don't stray. Walk on.
As hard as you try to find the path you're supposed to be walking, you end up finding out that there are so many branchings after you've hit the one you decided to follow. The temptation to stray is far greater than you can imagine. Every alternative path seems like it's the one that will lead Dorothy home, but in reality there's only one that actually does.
You may not always be walking on the right path at any particular instance, but somehow as long as you bring your inner compass, rest assured that one day you will reach your final destination. But if your inner compass gets broken, well, there's only so much a single human being can do about it. But for now...
Look ahead. Don't stray. Walk on.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Shit
There are times that life decides to throw you a bone and then there are times that life decides to shit in your face.
It's nothing personal really, you just need to learn how to avoid it when it comes. As long as you can dodge the flying fecal matter splattered across the room by the rotating ceiling fan right above your head, you'll be fine.
That's easier said than done though.
It's nothing personal really, you just need to learn how to avoid it when it comes. As long as you can dodge the flying fecal matter splattered across the room by the rotating ceiling fan right above your head, you'll be fine.
That's easier said than done though.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Austrian
Her hair is smooth as chocolate ganache,
Her skin is fair as Chantilly cream.
She's shy, elegant, yet full of panache,
There's definitely more to her than it seems.
Her skin is fair as Chantilly cream.
She's shy, elegant, yet full of panache,
There's definitely more to her than it seems.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
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